Tuesday 30 September 2008

Day Twelve: Woo Yay Heroes!

The more this season goes on, the more I think that the writers just want to go back to Season One. Just with added awesome. We've got a new 'painter of the future' dude, Hiro and Ando are teamed back up with more and more fantastic banter, and new characters that get introduced are actually good. Not like the crap Mexico twins, with the liquid tears of death. Christ, they were annoying.

Sylar's back, interfering with brains, we've got Noah busting out some hardcore justice, and Ma Petrelli seems to be trying to be the most evil bastard of them all. It's all good.

Anyway, enough of this nonsense.

Last night, I saw Death Race. It was an awful, awful film. But, thanks to liberal application of cheap booze from Wetherspoons, it turned into a fantastic experience. As long as you don't really care about characterisation, or plotline, or anything like that, you'll have a wonderful time at the movies if you watch this.

Also, Jason Statham is hot, or something. I mean, the man looks like a shaved bear more and more in each film I see him in, but he'll always be awesome, thanks to Snatch and Lock Stock.

So, tonight is the Pyjama Party LCR. It promises to be most fantastic, not least because I'm going to be wandering about campus in little more than a dressing gown, filled with booze and love for everyone. I fully expect to lose important and valuble things throughout the course of tonight, but I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.

Also, tomorrow I'll be continuing my arduous university education by watching Snow White. I fucking love Film Studies.

Monday 29 September 2008

Day Eleven: Video Game Extravaganza

So, it's the end of the first week of term. Time to really buckle down, get started on work and just generally start getting up before midday, right?

WRONG.

Instead, I spent the weekend buying games. Thanks to the godly miracle of Steam when combined with my Virgin media broadband of Glory(tm), I've downloaded about ten games over the course of the weekend, all for about £20. I love the conversion rate between pounds and dollars.

Thanks to some crazy deal that was on, all Rockstar games were half price, so I've bought a massive collection, including all the Grand Theft Auto lot, and both Max Payne games. I also grabbed Crysis: Warhead, because if there's one thing I like, it's ludicrously demanding games for my uber-PC. Now, the one issue that's quite prevalent with buying games is that it generally takes absolute fucking ages to download anything, thanks to relatively slow broadband speeds and the fact that most games are reaching the ludicrous size of around ten gigs now. However, cable broadband appears to be the future, because I left about thirty gigs worth of game downloading over last night, and it's almost all finished now. This is ridiculous. I really would like a legal alternative to downloading films, because the urge to open up utorrent and download the entire internet just keeps getting stronger. This is a bad thing.

Anyway, as I'll be failing my degree because I'm spending my time playing video games instead of working, expect some kind of update centered around what it's been like playing these things after so long on my beast of a machine.

Also, new Heroes tomorrow, so expect some more rambling nonsense about that!

Friday 26 September 2008

Day Ten: More TV.

Yay! The Office is back! It was awesome. Michael grew a beard. Creed unleashed one of his best schemes yet. Ryan came back to the office, and Jim and Pam's relationship changed forever. Dwight was just generally awesome. None of this means anything to those who don't watch the Office, but hey, fuck you guys, you should totally watch the Office, it's awesome.

Oh, and holy shit, Fat Mike was a way better character than Prison Mike.

Anyway.

I've been watching the whole lot of the relaunch of Doctor Who. I only really got into it I the last half of Tennant's lot, so I'd missed what I think was a big factor in the popularity of the relaunch. Namely, that The Doctor in the first season, as played by Christopher Eccleston, is a fucking hardass.

Admittedly, the character has just gone through an apocalyptic war that has resulted in the death of the rest of his species, but he's still a brutal motherfucker. He strolls through the series, calling humans stupid apes, and generally acting awesome. Given that the Doc is usually a fairly nice and easygoing character, it's really amazing to see him completely snap when he meets a Dalek and tries to torture it to death. It's a kind of Batman vibe, you remember that bit at the end of Begins, where Liam Neeson says "Have you finally learned how to do what is necessary?", and BatBale comes back with "I'm not going to kill you" and then smashes the window, and says "But I don't have to save you" and then flies out, leaving Neeson to a firey explosive death?

That's how awesome the Doctor is.

Oh, and finally, everyone feel sad for Toby...

Thursday 25 September 2008

Day Nine: Sex and the City

I feel...unusual. I just watched Sex and the City. It was weird. I mean, I've watched girly films before. I saw Hairspray on the big screen. This was different though. This was...proto-girl. This was the ultimate girly film. It was like watching a broadcast from an alien world.

Is this what girls feel like after watching something like Rambo?

Bizarre.

Anyway, classes sort of officially started today. I had a screening yesterday, but that probably doesn't count. Even though I consider Film Studies an actual, proper subject, I still have trouble qualifying watching Duck Amuck and Steamboat Willie as work.

Today was Politics and Popular Culture, which is essentially a repeat of my Politics and Mass Media course from last year, which itself was pretty much a jumped up version of the module I did in the term before that, Construction of News. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that I'm essentially repeating the same module over and over again. The grades I get only get better, as I'm being tested on the same stuff over and over again, and I love the guy who has taught us for the last two times. In fact, fuck, this is awesome!

So tomorrow is Popular Animation, where we'll discuss, Daffy Duck and Micky Mouse in very serious terms. It's going to be great. More importantly though, the new series of the American Office will air overnight, so I'll be watching that tomorrow. That will be fantastic.

Oh, as an aside, you should really watch Steamboat Willie. It's scary how insane Mickey appears to be to animals. I'm talking swinging a cat by it's tail around a room insane.

Once you've done that you should watch What's Opera Doc?, because it's just fucking awesome.

Wednesday 24 September 2008

Day Eight: The start of American TV

Firstly, last nights guest post totally counted. I've seen what Kate wrote, and while much of it was kinda scary Britney love, the rest was about me and how crazy-awesome I am, so it counts.

It so does.

Anyway, Heroes started again on Monday. Heroes is essentially what would happen if someone started filming X-Men Comics as they were being written, with the same long, drawn out story arcs, as well as smaller, more self-contained plots that are resolved over the course of one episode. It's got a massive cast, only second to Lost I think in terms of the sheer number of returning main actors.

So, the first season was pretty fantastic, the central arc of trying to stop New York exploding introduced in the first episode and resolved very well in the finale, with some incredibly awesome meanders along the way, with brains being interfered with, time travel, and a repeating montage of New York exploding that got updated every couple of weeks for the sheer hell of it I think.

The problem was that Season Two sort of lost the way. Now, it was still pretty cool, introducing a drunken Englishman of awesome, more time travel, more George Takei, and more heroes fighting.

The real issue was that the writers strike sort of halted production midway through the season, and that the writers had to re-jig their grand vision of the future for something else. Season Two closed on a weird, half resolved note, and there was a lot of doubt about how good the show would be when it returned.

Well, worry not. I've seen it. And it. IS. AWESOME.

If you've never watched Heroes before, get season 1 and 2 down you now quickly. If you were just afriad that Season Three would be just more of Season 2's weird bullshit, do not fear. This is all that was awesome about Season 1, and more!

Plus, Sylar's the best villain ever and I'd totally go there.

Hells yes.

Tuesday 23 September 2008

Day Seven: Yes.

[Written by Kate Chapman]

Andrew is pretty wankered at the moment, so I've taken over his task. I'm fairly sure that he is going to regret this in the morning, because not only will it mean that he has failed his task in finishing these posts before 12am (unless asking someone else can be included in the challenge), but also because I'm quite likely to write 250 words on how fantastic Britney Spears is. Not a statement that I think he would agree with, unless fantastic meant naked. I'm not one hundred percent sure what his first few posts on this have been about, but I'm going to hazard a guess that they have included films and drinking. I'll be shocked if I'm utterly wrong about this.

To fill up some space (and to anger you Andrew) here is my top 5 Britney songs...

1) Gimme More
2) Hit Me Baby (one more time)
3) I'm a Slave for you
4) Boys
5) Heaven on Earth

As Andrew has just appeared downstairs, beer in hand with an incredibly plastered look on his face, I have just been reminded of something else that he is actually likely to have included on this, Doctor Who. Apparently this is a new waste of time for Andrew, and it is all he has watched now for two days straight. Perfectly reasonable thing to do, even if it is his final year. (Yes Andrew I can use sarcasm in blogs too. Idiot.)

This plastered look has now turned to smug. I'm not sure why, and to be honest I doubt he is. Perhaps he has just urinated somewhere in public and is very proud of it. If he's this pissed and we haven't got to the LCR yet, I think it's time I started my catch up drinking.

x x x

Monday 22 September 2008

Day Six: HOLE IN THE WALL

Holy shit. Behold the ultimate in entertainment. The awes-inspiring cheesiness of British television, combined with the batshit insanity of Japanese TV. The majesty, the mightiness, the sheer wonder that is: Hole in the Wall.

The premise is this. Two teams of three 'celebrities' compete to win £10,000 for charity by looking like absolute idiots. A giant polystyrene wall flies at the 'celebrity', and the have to stand and make a shape that matches the one in the wall to fit themselves through. If they miss, they get dumped into a pool of cold water. And that's it. For half an hour. While Dale Winton spouts inanities. And some dude commentates over the top of slow motion repeats of them falling into the water.

Also, did I mention the skintight silver lycra bodysuits that all the celebrities are forced to wear? The groin injury potential seems kind of horrifying.

('Celebrities' is used in the crap TV sense of the word. The only person I even vaguely knew in the one mighty episode that is up at the moment was Andi Peters who was one of the presenters on Live & Kicking.

Holy shit, I spelled his name right first time. How the hell did I know that it was spelled with an 'i'?

WHAT THE FUCK)

Anyway, this is the best TV show ever. You know like how you'll sometimes see clips of game shows from Japan, or been watching TV at 4am and Takeshi's Castle comes on and it's the greatest thing ever, partly because you're quite drunk but mostly because it's fucking awesome. Imagine shit like that, but with fucking Dale Winton presenting. It's insane. I love that the license fee is funding this madness. Beautiful stuff. Catch it on Iplayer now, or on youtube or something.

Or even watch it at 5:40, every Saturday, on BBC One.

God bless the license fee.

Sunday 21 September 2008

Site News

I hope it's understood that the weekend doesn't count as part of the challenge.

Why?

FUCK YOU, that's why.

Friday 19 September 2008

Day Five: Rable about drunken evenings out. People like that shit.

I felt awful this morning. As last night's entry may hint, it was a bit of a heavy night. (Also, incoherent, rambling and misspelled though it might be, it also equals exactly 250 words. So fuck you.) Pre-drinking games at ours first, with shots of vodka and terrible revelations about mine and my flatmates sex lives and private habits.

Then, up to the LCR, with only a quick diversion to Nicki's house, beause she was retarded and forgot to close her window.

Given that a full third of the students at UEA haven't arrived yet, I was scared at just how packed it was when we got inside. I mean, a good sized crowd always helps to keep the night fun, but there were far too many people between me and the bar, which probably explains my reckless behavior when I finally got to the front

The Uni has a bar set aside for double vodka red bulls, and nothing else, and one is generally enough to fuck you up quite nicely. So, in the spirit of inquiry, I got a pair. And then combined them.

Unfortunately, I was at the point where I didn't think booze was affected me (Which has been disproven by several after-action reports, as I was noticeably swaying and even less coherent than usual) So I ordered another quadruple vodka red bull. It's at this point the night gets a bit hazy.

I remember yelling loudly at someone I was convinced was a mates girlfriend, then ignoring her when I thought she just looked like her, then continued to ignore her when she recognised me.

I managed to make my flatmate throw vodka into her face, by attempting to nudge her towards the dancefloor with all the subtlety that half a litre of vodka affords.

I talked to many, many people, and had the exact same conversation with them all.

I also hugged too many people, and certain people far too much, which leads me to think that I should not drink ever again.

Finally, I remember being back at a friends house, accross the street from mine, taking about three other people to school at Mario Kart Wii, despite a mild inability to stand up.

Pretty good night I think.

Thursday 18 September 2008

Day Four: Really Reaching

There's a key process to getting drunk. There are many many factors that have to be taken into account. Food is important. Too much, or to little, can either make all the booze in the world stop you from getting drunk, or cause you to vomit everywhere.

Then you've got a couple of other factors, like sleep you've had, where you're getting drunk, and who it's with, and the finally, the booze.

Ah, the booze. Beer is quite good, because it's easy to drink and slow to release, but to really get fucked up, you'll need some spirits.


[Some time later]

IKII Ma drunk as a fucking cuint fuck you all

we are playiong ring of rfire of some shit.
I am the bwest fuck you all.

I am the fucking master of frets on fire
, you don't have shit on me/

Fucking 96 %% experrty s level, no problems. Been kicking ass and taking names hjusy becaue I can. you can't do shit.

Alsod I can play evcne when I am the drunkest man in the wotrdl, because I am awesoem
I acant play well, byut UI am stuikl,l fantastic, you c an do niothing.
Will probably threow up later

one too many dhots of vodkat


what the fuck man, ytoo drunk for this nonsense.
I DDONT care if this is 250 worsds
I am posting this now and wqill do again in when I get in.

also I am fantastic

woo yay, catch you dudes later

woo

cuntburger

Wednesday 17 September 2008

Day Three: Why Shoot 'Em Up is the best film ever.

I was originally going to write a post about how, in fact, the best film ever was The Fifth Element, but since what I was writing about it started turning into the various ways in which The Fifth Element is, for an action movie, actually a scarily layered and complex film. So, you'll have to forgive me while I attempt to compose my ramblings about how Jean-Baptise Emanuell Zorg is the greatest villain in cinematic history, and how Milla Yovoovovovovoivch's actual Orange hair makes me experience special and weird feelings.

So, Shoot 'Em Up.

It's actually a fairly modern flick, only released last year. It is AWESOME. The entire 90 minute film is essentially one long action sequence, from the moment the film opens as Clive Owen helps deliver a baby whilst in the midst of a gunfight (before cutting the umbilical cord with his gun) up until the point where he jumps out of a plane, and has an extended gunfight with a number of goons. Science has attempted to point out the obvious and logical flaws in this idea, as well as the gross affront to the laws of physics, but man, if loving aerial gunfights is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

Clive Owen strolls through the film as an extreme, over the top badass, killing people with scary efficiency and actually spouting cheesy one liners. I can't tell you how long cinema has needed a return to this. Monica Bellucci is the hooker with a heart of gold who is the love interest, although, in keeping with the stylistic direction of the film, the first time they have sex is also in the middle of a gunfight. Finally, round it out with the generally-creepy-looking-anyway Paul Giamatti who plays a fantastic villain who needs to commit an act of gross necrophilia just so we understand that he is the bad guy.

Basically, this film is just a massive, awesome orgy of gunporn, boobies, fighting, shooting and one liners. It's fantastic. It's an affirmation of all that is right with modern cinema.

It does not, however, contain a hovering boat which sells chinese food, so it's still not quite as awesome as The Fifth Element.

Tuesday 16 September 2008

Day Two: The search for more posts

This is where I suddenly realise what path I've foolishly committed myself to. I'm an inherently unreliable and forgetful person. How can I possibly be expected to remember to keep updating this thing.

Alcohol is a magnificent thing. I've just had a conversation for the last hour about a range of topics, from the political situation in Cyprus, to the overbearing and scary nature of the Catholic church and it's relation to private schools, and also how tallness is an important feature in guys. (Which is interesting, as I don't think I've ever heard girls say when a guy walks in "God, he is so tall. I would date that guy."

Anyway. The point is that when I update this it will most likely be posted after midnight, but fuck it, I've just had an enlightened religious discussion. I don't feel the need to stick to some kind of rigid schedule.

(Actually, I feel quite guilty about it. Second day and I've already sort of failed, or something.)

Right, so the overriding point is this. The post that I am making right now is a demonstration of my inability to ever see this nonsensical achievement through. It got to 10pm tonight before I realised that I had to write something today, and a further hour and a half to actually open up the post thingy on the website so I could do something. So, I'll probably not complete this at all. Which, again, is why this is called 'The Useless Ambition'

But hell, at least I squeezed another 250 words out for today, huh?

Edit: HAHA, Blogspot thinks this was published on Tuesday! I win!

Monday 15 September 2008

Day One: The Challenge is laid down.

Hi there.

My name is Andrew Anderson, and I am a Film and English Student at UEA.

I've had a couple of blogs/websites in the past, and while I generally enjoy writing them, I inevitably get bored, forget to update, and the the site slowly, and painfully, dies. So, it is with this in mind that I have decided to try again, but this time, with enforced rules.

1: I will update this blog, at least once a day, for the next year.

2: Each update will have at least 250 words, be legible, sane, and vaguely interesting. Even if I define 'interesting' as 'stuff only I care about or am interested in'

3: Links, either to other sites or youtube or any of that shit are only permitted if I write about them. A link instead of content is not acceptable.

4: Am I up to 250 words yet?

No? Right, okay then. You might ask, imaginary reader, why I am doing this. Well, it's simple. I'd like to be a writer of some kind one day. The only problem is that I'm lazy. Well, not so much lazy as totally unable to commit to some kind of regular schedule. If I get the urge, I can write, and ramble on for quite some time, but its forcing myself to sit in front of the computer and actually do something productive that's the issue. So, I'm setting down this challenge for myself, in the hopes that it will actually get me motivated, more willing to write, and ultimately, actually improve my writing abilities.

So, why is this called 'The Useless Ambition'?

Because I'm pretty sure I'll break down and go insane within the first week of trying to do this.

In that eventuality, I'll film the mental breakdown and put it up instead.