So, the thing is, I'm drunk and posting my very second entry of this year in a terribly, drunken, state.
Spaced is on in the most unconventional way possible and it's kicking arse.
Argh you fucking bastard.
I don't know how I managed to get the entire first season od spaced t opalay as my desktop baackgound but I',m excited avbout it.
oh god.
man picked dog.
aaaaaaaaaah.
Sarah.
wgheres that come from?
My ex-girlfriend.
lologram.
I love you too boss hogg.
the point is that somehow, I need to fill up 250 words somehow as well as formulating some kind of realistic sleep plan.
Honestly, this background and weird version of spaced is weirding me out and I am deeplyt confus3ed about how it came to exist. I mean, seriously, what the fuck.
The honest truth is that somehowe spaced is playing in the backgrou8nf, it'ds wierding me out,m and somehow it's become complete.
ahha haha ahhaaahaa.
Thrush.
So, anyway, because I know nothing about my housmates, all I'll say is that I am writing nothiong specific or terrible about them. All I'm doing is rambling vaguely on while spaced plays in thr background.
The thing is, you need to get that out of the way sooner, rather than later, otherwiae it leasds to terrible tension and stress.
The point is, I need to sleep in a serious degree soon, and I don't realy care about tyhe activities of my desktop background. And yet, somehow they are involved with my life.
Holy jesus fuck.
Anyway, bedtime now. Fucks sake.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Monday, 12 January 2009
Day Sixty Seven: I'm back!
...a day later than I promised, but after having about 50 million drunken conversations about Christmas and New Year which were essentially that "yeah, mine was pretty okay. Yours? Okay, yeah? Okay then." I figured that no-one really wants to read me trying to stretch out Christmas and New Years over 250 words. I mean, it was pretty good, yeah, but not particularly exciting.
With two exceptions.
The first was a major New Years Eve party. I'd spent the last year caretaking my sisters New Years Eve party, which consisted of Matt and me drinking two cases of beer, confiscating some booze that we liked the look of and booting one kid out because we knew his older brother and thought he was a wanker. Or it was the actual older brother. I don't know, it was over a year ago and I was pretty drunk.
So, I'd resolved with Matt that we were going to get totally drunk and messed up, and not hang around fifteen year-olds. Not ones that I was related to, anyway. After preparing a horrifying and illegal quantity of booze, and drinking half a bottle of Jack Daniels, we travelled to a house party of my mates, where people were sitting around, talking quietly and playing video games. AND NOT DRINKING.
Obviously we both felt that this was unacceptable, so we drank half our bottle of vodka in around ten minutes before corralling everyone in the room to play drinking games with us and stop playing Mario and Sonic go to the Olympic Games. It worked, because the rest of that evening is a blurry mess of embarrassing conversations, swearing, amusing hats and far, far too much further drinking. I definitly remember the cannabis laced vodka that was brought out later on, however, as I'm pretty sure that was the thing that gave me a hangover for two days afterwards. Oh, and sending a text to half my phonebook which reads: "New years day? More like new years gay." at four in the fucking morning. If you didn't get one, it's probably because I hate you. Or love you, insofar as your opinion on drunken early morning texts goes.
The second was a night out just last week, on Tuesday. Me and Matt had settled in for a bit of Dazed and Confused, a film which neither of us had seen in ages and which we soundly agreed was completely awesome, and we were about half way through and drinking beer when we got the call to go up to town for further drinking, and a pub quiz.
(Did I mention that it had snowed the night before? That is important. Bear it in mind, because it will be relevant later. There may be a quiz.)
So, finish film and beer, grab taxi and we're in town. Many beers later, me Matt and my buddy Chuggi are wandering home through the snow and doing associated drunk thing, like having a wee in the snow, doing backflips into the snow, and generally frolicing like massive drunken gaylords.
(A thought occurs. At no point did we backflip into snow that had been peed on. As far as I know.)
At any rate, at some point I decided it would be hilarious to steal Chuggi's hat, and then drag it through the snow so as to make it cold and wet. I think he'd said offhand that it was keeping his head nice and warm, so this was the sort of idea that makes the drunk person who takes control of my body when I've had a beer jump up and down with glee. Nabbing the hat, I had to lean over, while running to drag it in the snow. While I was on the concrete pavement. Which was covered with ice.
And so that's why my hand looks like I've attempted to grill it quite incompetantly. This also provides a more insightful answer to those of you who have already had the short explanation: "I fell over, and really well too."
Hey, will you look at that, I did manage to stretch out the holidays for a little while there. Woo yay. I'll be back tomorrow, updating away reguarly once again. And you know, it actually feels good to be back doing this.
----------------
Now playing: Tenacious D / Karate
With two exceptions.
The first was a major New Years Eve party. I'd spent the last year caretaking my sisters New Years Eve party, which consisted of Matt and me drinking two cases of beer, confiscating some booze that we liked the look of and booting one kid out because we knew his older brother and thought he was a wanker. Or it was the actual older brother. I don't know, it was over a year ago and I was pretty drunk.
So, I'd resolved with Matt that we were going to get totally drunk and messed up, and not hang around fifteen year-olds. Not ones that I was related to, anyway. After preparing a horrifying and illegal quantity of booze, and drinking half a bottle of Jack Daniels, we travelled to a house party of my mates, where people were sitting around, talking quietly and playing video games. AND NOT DRINKING.
Obviously we both felt that this was unacceptable, so we drank half our bottle of vodka in around ten minutes before corralling everyone in the room to play drinking games with us and stop playing Mario and Sonic go to the Olympic Games. It worked, because the rest of that evening is a blurry mess of embarrassing conversations, swearing, amusing hats and far, far too much further drinking. I definitly remember the cannabis laced vodka that was brought out later on, however, as I'm pretty sure that was the thing that gave me a hangover for two days afterwards. Oh, and sending a text to half my phonebook which reads: "New years day? More like new years gay." at four in the fucking morning. If you didn't get one, it's probably because I hate you. Or love you, insofar as your opinion on drunken early morning texts goes.
The second was a night out just last week, on Tuesday. Me and Matt had settled in for a bit of Dazed and Confused, a film which neither of us had seen in ages and which we soundly agreed was completely awesome, and we were about half way through and drinking beer when we got the call to go up to town for further drinking, and a pub quiz.
(Did I mention that it had snowed the night before? That is important. Bear it in mind, because it will be relevant later. There may be a quiz.)
So, finish film and beer, grab taxi and we're in town. Many beers later, me Matt and my buddy Chuggi are wandering home through the snow and doing associated drunk thing, like having a wee in the snow, doing backflips into the snow, and generally frolicing like massive drunken gaylords.
(A thought occurs. At no point did we backflip into snow that had been peed on. As far as I know.)
At any rate, at some point I decided it would be hilarious to steal Chuggi's hat, and then drag it through the snow so as to make it cold and wet. I think he'd said offhand that it was keeping his head nice and warm, so this was the sort of idea that makes the drunk person who takes control of my body when I've had a beer jump up and down with glee. Nabbing the hat, I had to lean over, while running to drag it in the snow. While I was on the concrete pavement. Which was covered with ice.
And so that's why my hand looks like I've attempted to grill it quite incompetantly. This also provides a more insightful answer to those of you who have already had the short explanation: "I fell over, and really well too."
Hey, will you look at that, I did manage to stretch out the holidays for a little while there. Woo yay. I'll be back tomorrow, updating away reguarly once again. And you know, it actually feels good to be back doing this.
----------------
Now playing: Tenacious D / Karate
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Schedule for the next couple of days.
So, I'm coming back up to uni this Saturday. I won't be restarting updates then, as I'll probably be busy with the minutiae of unpacking, then getting drunk and explaining in slurred phrases that I deeply love everyone at uni, before falling over in the bathroom and passing into blissful unconciousness.
However, the plan is, when I get up on Sunday, after clearing the beer bottles from my desk, and removing I'll piece together something about Christmas (Yay, I got some shoes) New Years (Let's see how many people I can send a text with "more like new years GAY" in) and everything in between (Man, Fallout 3 will actually make me fail this year. Shitballs.)
Then, updates will restart on Monday, as I continue the vaugely aimless and boring ramblings every single weekday, tirelessly broadcasting my thoughts into the void, endlessly spinning out the tiring dullery of an average student in packaged boredom. Forever.
See you Sunday!
However, the plan is, when I get up on Sunday, after clearing the beer bottles from my desk, and removing I'll piece together something about Christmas (Yay, I got some shoes) New Years (Let's see how many people I can send a text with "more like new years GAY" in) and everything in between (Man, Fallout 3 will actually make me fail this year. Shitballs.)
Then, updates will restart on Monday, as I continue the vaugely aimless and boring ramblings every single weekday, tirelessly broadcasting my thoughts into the void, endlessly spinning out the tiring dullery of an average student in packaged boredom. Forever.
See you Sunday!
Monday, 15 December 2008
Day Sixty Six: Site news, and what the hell happened to last weekend. I mean seriously what the fuck.
So, damn. That was a good couple of days.
I was still awake Thursday morning, having spent the preceding 24 hours solidly writing up two essays for politics and animation. Finally met up with James on campus at around twelve, and spent about an hour getting them both printed off and handed in. I also laughed at Karine and Scott, who had also both been up all night, but in the library. Scott was particularly amusing as his essay was about half the length of everyone else's, and Karine as she'd been in the same damn spot of the library for about three days in a row, or something completely fucking retarded like that.
A smart, rational person would have then left campus, filled with joy in his heart, and gone back to bed. My friends, you know me. I am not that guy. I went to the bar with James, and we drank beers. Several beers. I had Matt, who I believe talked to you Thursday, arriving, so I made him come to the bar, and have a beer. Then, bidding farewell to Nicki, Damien and Callum, who had arrived at the bar at some point, I went back with Matt. And there we continued drinking even more. Two crates of Budweiser gone before we left the house again. I was taking Matt to the Christmas LCR.
I think Kate, James, Emily and Camden were with me here as well. It's a bit blurry. I remember arriving at the LCR, and having to exchange tickets for a wristband which was our magic pass to everything that was there, the bumper cars, the spinning whirligig thing, and the LCR, which featured the magic of the one and only Vengaboys. Truly an exceptional evening. I drank an awful lot of Vodka Red Bull, I was rude to an exceptional number of people, I co-ordinated attacks against people on the bumper cars and I rode the whirligig thing so much that I nearly threw up. Somehow, me and Matt were able to walk home to sleep for a couple of hours.
Friday was my birthday, and I had Mike coming up. Or down rather, from his Uni and then catching a lift with us home. So, we head to the greasy spoon, get baconed up, and then wander to town to meet Nicki Callum and Damien for beer & burger at Spoons. It was magnificent, but it hurt. So much meat. Post-crippling burger, we grabbed Mike from the station, then went to Sainsburys to buy a shitload of beer. And some fake red bull. And vodka.
So, house party time, and Me, Matt and Mike have cleared off a case of beer before anyone else has arrived. At some point we played N64. My memory isn't entirely clear, but I'm pretty sure I kicked everyone's asses. later on, we were playing King's cup, and while I don't remember playing a whole much, I do remember being forced to down a dirty pint that was half filled with Thom's mulled wine. After that it all gets really fuzzy. I remember kicking a cat at some point. It was probably being a cunt. I'm pretty sure at some point I jumped up and down on Matt's car, because he won't stop reminding me about that. Then, towards the end, Callum, Mike and Matt came back with my birthday gifts, which consisted of a cone, a massive roadsign, and an advertisement for double glazing or some shit on a massive wooden stake. This was totally fucking awesome. As that evening wore down, I think I passed out, because I don't remember going to sleep watching Wayne's World, although I am assured that we did.
Saturday morning was not good. We woke up early, again. And we ate a shitload of bacon, again. It took me far too long to get packed up, and I'm sure I've forgotten several important things as well. When we finally set off we stopped by the co-op to get juice, and Mike found a half-drunk mug of Jack Daniels and coke in the glove box. I have no words to describe this.
We finally made it home after a deeply painful journey. I had considered updating my blog that evening, but I was so unspeakable tired that I ended up going to bed ludicrously early. Then, on Sunday, my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandparents all came round and were stubbornly nice to me, no matter how much I insisted that I was still the same horrible person. Then, to close out the evening, I got drunk with my cousins, my sister, and Mike, who had come round for reasons that I cannot recall at this time.
So, it's Monday evening, and I should be getting right back into my normal schedule of blogging every day, right? Well, no actually. See, I'm taking a break for the holidays. It's for a number of reasons, involving my home's shitty internet access and the fact that I need to use the family computer to type online, but the main point is that I don't want to be one of those guys who are blogging about their families and whatnot. I've been that guy. He's even less fun than the one I am at the moment. So, from now, consider The Useless Ambition on hiatus. I think over 1000 words should be enough to tide you over for a bit. I may post sporadically over the holiday season, but updates will officially resume when I return to university in early January, and I have actual things to talk about. Until then, good people, it's been real. A special shout-out to all those people who I saw over the last weekend period, including all Thursday and Friday, and everyone who wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. You are all especially lovely. I'll see you in the new year, when The Useless Ambition will be back, with even more daily aimless rambling and drunken chats about TV and movies. I'll talk to you all soon.
----------------
Now playing: What the fuck, my computer doesn't even have this? Fuck this shit.
I was still awake Thursday morning, having spent the preceding 24 hours solidly writing up two essays for politics and animation. Finally met up with James on campus at around twelve, and spent about an hour getting them both printed off and handed in. I also laughed at Karine and Scott, who had also both been up all night, but in the library. Scott was particularly amusing as his essay was about half the length of everyone else's, and Karine as she'd been in the same damn spot of the library for about three days in a row, or something completely fucking retarded like that.
A smart, rational person would have then left campus, filled with joy in his heart, and gone back to bed. My friends, you know me. I am not that guy. I went to the bar with James, and we drank beers. Several beers. I had Matt, who I believe talked to you Thursday, arriving, so I made him come to the bar, and have a beer. Then, bidding farewell to Nicki, Damien and Callum, who had arrived at the bar at some point, I went back with Matt. And there we continued drinking even more. Two crates of Budweiser gone before we left the house again. I was taking Matt to the Christmas LCR.
I think Kate, James, Emily and Camden were with me here as well. It's a bit blurry. I remember arriving at the LCR, and having to exchange tickets for a wristband which was our magic pass to everything that was there, the bumper cars, the spinning whirligig thing, and the LCR, which featured the magic of the one and only Vengaboys. Truly an exceptional evening. I drank an awful lot of Vodka Red Bull, I was rude to an exceptional number of people, I co-ordinated attacks against people on the bumper cars and I rode the whirligig thing so much that I nearly threw up. Somehow, me and Matt were able to walk home to sleep for a couple of hours.
Friday was my birthday, and I had Mike coming up. Or down rather, from his Uni and then catching a lift with us home. So, we head to the greasy spoon, get baconed up, and then wander to town to meet Nicki Callum and Damien for beer & burger at Spoons. It was magnificent, but it hurt. So much meat. Post-crippling burger, we grabbed Mike from the station, then went to Sainsburys to buy a shitload of beer. And some fake red bull. And vodka.
So, house party time, and Me, Matt and Mike have cleared off a case of beer before anyone else has arrived. At some point we played N64. My memory isn't entirely clear, but I'm pretty sure I kicked everyone's asses. later on, we were playing King's cup, and while I don't remember playing a whole much, I do remember being forced to down a dirty pint that was half filled with Thom's mulled wine. After that it all gets really fuzzy. I remember kicking a cat at some point. It was probably being a cunt. I'm pretty sure at some point I jumped up and down on Matt's car, because he won't stop reminding me about that. Then, towards the end, Callum, Mike and Matt came back with my birthday gifts, which consisted of a cone, a massive roadsign, and an advertisement for double glazing or some shit on a massive wooden stake. This was totally fucking awesome. As that evening wore down, I think I passed out, because I don't remember going to sleep watching Wayne's World, although I am assured that we did.
Saturday morning was not good. We woke up early, again. And we ate a shitload of bacon, again. It took me far too long to get packed up, and I'm sure I've forgotten several important things as well. When we finally set off we stopped by the co-op to get juice, and Mike found a half-drunk mug of Jack Daniels and coke in the glove box. I have no words to describe this.
We finally made it home after a deeply painful journey. I had considered updating my blog that evening, but I was so unspeakable tired that I ended up going to bed ludicrously early. Then, on Sunday, my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandparents all came round and were stubbornly nice to me, no matter how much I insisted that I was still the same horrible person. Then, to close out the evening, I got drunk with my cousins, my sister, and Mike, who had come round for reasons that I cannot recall at this time.
So, it's Monday evening, and I should be getting right back into my normal schedule of blogging every day, right? Well, no actually. See, I'm taking a break for the holidays. It's for a number of reasons, involving my home's shitty internet access and the fact that I need to use the family computer to type online, but the main point is that I don't want to be one of those guys who are blogging about their families and whatnot. I've been that guy. He's even less fun than the one I am at the moment. So, from now, consider The Useless Ambition on hiatus. I think over 1000 words should be enough to tide you over for a bit. I may post sporadically over the holiday season, but updates will officially resume when I return to university in early January, and I have actual things to talk about. Until then, good people, it's been real. A special shout-out to all those people who I saw over the last weekend period, including all Thursday and Friday, and everyone who wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. You are all especially lovely. I'll see you in the new year, when The Useless Ambition will be back, with even more daily aimless rambling and drunken chats about TV and movies. I'll talk to you all soon.
----------------
Now playing: What the fuck, my computer doesn't even have this? Fuck this shit.
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Day Sixty Five: Matt on deck!
Well...So here we are! I have travelled today for Hutton to Norwich in order to celebrate young Anderson's 21st...So far it has been highly enjoyable. I think it may just be the amount of beers consumed (18 bottles) or the fact it has been too long since our last outing!
What random shite should I write about???
It's a possibility that the one true reason I am here is to keep Jimmy in a non-stop drunken state...but its ok...it works for both of us!!!
Who are you anyway???
What are you talking about???
I don't even know anymore!
Maybe I should just stick to drinking beers and staying away from normal people!
Who is Clive?
This seems to be what happens when I am let loose on a computer...
I guess all there really is to say is that tonight i must drink to forget feelings!
Tomorrow...i must drink to forget feeling and celebrate a joyous day!!
Saturday....I shall live again!
How is it possible to write a blog everyday? And why would you want to?
Now to ramble!
Don't ya just hate it when you can't find a bottle opener...I KNOW I DO!!!
There is just so much to do....and so little time.....
I definitely do not feel drunk enough to write a good blog...so I should come back to it later!
A final piece of advice for you all!...don't get attached to anything!
She puts the lotion on her skin...or she gets the hose again!
FUCK YOU BUDDY!
----------------
Now playing: Electric Six / Gay Bar
What random shite should I write about???
It's a possibility that the one true reason I am here is to keep Jimmy in a non-stop drunken state...but its ok...it works for both of us!!!
Who are you anyway???
What are you talking about???
I don't even know anymore!
Maybe I should just stick to drinking beers and staying away from normal people!
Who is Clive?
This seems to be what happens when I am let loose on a computer...
I guess all there really is to say is that tonight i must drink to forget feelings!
Tomorrow...i must drink to forget feeling and celebrate a joyous day!!
Saturday....I shall live again!
How is it possible to write a blog everyday? And why would you want to?
Now to ramble!
Don't ya just hate it when you can't find a bottle opener...I KNOW I DO!!!
There is just so much to do....and so little time.....
I definitely do not feel drunk enough to write a good blog...so I should come back to it later!
A final piece of advice for you all!...don't get attached to anything!
She puts the lotion on her skin...or she gets the hose again!
FUCK YOU BUDDY!
----------------
Now playing: Electric Six / Gay Bar
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Day Sixty Four: A matter of urgent importance
This right here pretty much sums up why I could never live in America. I can visit, sure, and I'll always have a great love for the country I was born in. But holy fuck, an article in The Wall Street Journal dealing with the "controversy" that Obama uses a Zune instead of an iPod?
Yeah, fuck that shit.
And the fact that someone in the Obama camp had to release a statement to placate the rabid Apple fanboys who were presumably calling for blood over this hateful deceit is maybe the worst thing of all. Although, on second thoughts, Apple fanboys are maybe the most frighteningly devoted people in the world, worse than the Firefly fanboys, worse than the Coke vs Pepsi lot, even worse than the insane Harry/Hermione shippers. It's a worrying state of affairs.
So, I'm actually writing this from the past, because I won't be posting this until Wednesday morning at some point. That's right, my procrastination has reached the point where I am updating my blog purely to put off doing work. What a terrible situation to be in. At least I haven't started updating 4 times a day though. That'd just be sad.
So, hopefully at this crazy time when this will be up, I'll have written more than 500 words and actually be close to finishing. I can probably edit that in later. It's a weird situation this.
Anyway, onwards to work!
Edit: Yeah, not so much with the finishing of the essay. Still, it's Wednesday morning, I've got over half my essay done, and it's not due in until 3pm on Thursday. This might be some kind of record for me.
----------------
Now playing: The Charlatans / The Only One I Know
Yeah, fuck that shit.
And the fact that someone in the Obama camp had to release a statement to placate the rabid Apple fanboys who were presumably calling for blood over this hateful deceit is maybe the worst thing of all. Although, on second thoughts, Apple fanboys are maybe the most frighteningly devoted people in the world, worse than the Firefly fanboys, worse than the Coke vs Pepsi lot, even worse than the insane Harry/Hermione shippers. It's a worrying state of affairs.
So, I'm actually writing this from the past, because I won't be posting this until Wednesday morning at some point. That's right, my procrastination has reached the point where I am updating my blog purely to put off doing work. What a terrible situation to be in. At least I haven't started updating 4 times a day though. That'd just be sad.
So, hopefully at this crazy time when this will be up, I'll have written more than 500 words and actually be close to finishing. I can probably edit that in later. It's a weird situation this.
Anyway, onwards to work!
Edit: Yeah, not so much with the finishing of the essay. Still, it's Wednesday morning, I've got over half my essay done, and it's not due in until 3pm on Thursday. This might be some kind of record for me.
----------------
Now playing: The Charlatans / The Only One I Know
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Day Sixty Three: SPECIAL EARLY MORNING EDITION
Firstly, holy fucking shit yes! Man, this Christmas, TV is going to rock. We've got new Doctor Who, new Wallace & Gromit, and now new Shooting Stars. I'm not moving from the front of my telly this year.
Secondly, have I mentioned before how essay writing really sucks? It's even worse when you've just finished one, because you're suddenly confronted by this expanse of blank page, and you've got to somehow find a way to fill it.
Writers may talk about the joy of writing and how they look on blank paper as a challenge. Fuck that. Writing is hard.You've got to....um....fill up space.
With words.
Which can be tricky.
But still, it's always good to have something to motivate you. In my case, it's the promise of a shit load of beer and excessive partying at the end of this week. Hopefully starting Wednesday, I'll have my essays finished, so it's pub that evening. Then, on Thursday, I'll be drinking myself into a coma with one of my best buddies from home as the Vengaboys play at the LCR. I can't promise that I won't throw VKs at them. My instincts may just take over. And then on Friday, I'm having a wicked awesome house party with another one of my best mates from home, along with a load of other lovely people, and there's going to be 4-player N64, and 2 player wireless Frets on Fire, and so, so much beer that I will likely manage to collapse and pass out before we even reach midnight.
Just, y'know, gotta get past that whole writers block thing.
Fuck you essay.
----------------
Now playing: The Lonely Island / Jizz In My Pants
Secondly, have I mentioned before how essay writing really sucks? It's even worse when you've just finished one, because you're suddenly confronted by this expanse of blank page, and you've got to somehow find a way to fill it.
Writers may talk about the joy of writing and how they look on blank paper as a challenge. Fuck that. Writing is hard.You've got to....um....fill up space.
With words.
Which can be tricky.
But still, it's always good to have something to motivate you. In my case, it's the promise of a shit load of beer and excessive partying at the end of this week. Hopefully starting Wednesday, I'll have my essays finished, so it's pub that evening. Then, on Thursday, I'll be drinking myself into a coma with one of my best buddies from home as the Vengaboys play at the LCR. I can't promise that I won't throw VKs at them. My instincts may just take over. And then on Friday, I'm having a wicked awesome house party with another one of my best mates from home, along with a load of other lovely people, and there's going to be 4-player N64, and 2 player wireless Frets on Fire, and so, so much beer that I will likely manage to collapse and pass out before we even reach midnight.
Just, y'know, gotta get past that whole writers block thing.
Fuck you essay.
----------------
Now playing: The Lonely Island / Jizz In My Pants
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