The Debate

Tim from Bristol: If you were to come into power, how would your party change a broken light bulb?

Nick: We'd ensure that the people have the power to replace light bulbs when they break and also see to it that replacement light bulbs are much more energy-efficient and long-lasting.

Gordon: While we could replace a light bulb, the reality is that no light bulb is broken. Light bulbs today are also the brightest and most efficient than they've ever been.

David: Thank you for asking this vital question. A lady wrote to me last week telling me how every light bulb she has in her house has broken over the past 12 years of Labour government. Every single one. Only the Conservatives can bring real change to British light bulbs.

Gordon: The only reason the Tories would bring in new light bulbs would be to make David's face look even shinier. The fact is, new light bulbs would only hinder Britain's economic recovery and that is something Labour is unwilling to let happen. How would the Conservatives finance this exactly?

David: Recent studies have shown that it's not the broken light bulbs that need changing. The real issue is, why do we even need light bulbs in the first place? I'll tell you why. It's because Britain is dark and it's only getting darker. Not a day goes by where it doesn't become so dark that it doesn't become inevitable that at some point you will have to rely on a light bulb to even walk around your own home. Why has Labour allowed this continue for so long and why are they so in denial about it?

Gordon: We are not in denial, we just have the experience and the wisdom to realise that we are not alone in this problem. The rest of Europe knows, even America knows, that darkness is a global problem that affects everyone. However, this is not a problem that will just go away overnight. We all need to work together, both across our parties and with the wider world community to overcome darkness in a way that is fairer to everyone.

Nick: You know, the more you two talk, the more apparent it becomes that neither of you have a real understanding of this at all. Broken light bulbs just need replacing with new ones. It's as simple as that

David: And where would you find the capital for these 'simple' plans to change light bulbs? You can't talk of slashing £16bn of expenses and then say that you'll do it by giving everyone free light bulbs for life. The numbers just don't add up.

Gordon: I'm sure Nick will agree with me here, what Britain's light bulb infrastructure is solid, long-term investment in ensuring that Britain is prepared for when light bulbs break. We need continuous investment in Education, the NHS and the armed forces so that we able to prevent light bulbs from breaking. This is what Labour has done and is what it will continue to do. The Conservatives can talk all they want about change, but when it comes down to it the only people to benefit from their plans is the top 5% earners. This is why Labour has made a personal promise to every citizen that when their light bulbs break we will guarantee them access to an electrician within 2 weeks, and a light bulb changing operation within 3 weeks. David can't make that promise, and Nick can't make that promise.

Nick: What? Tim, going back to your question; broken light bulbs can be replaced with a new one. There is no need for any extra bureaucracy or politics.

Gordon: I agree with Nick.

David: I'm sorry Gordon but I just can't agree with you on that. I agree with Nick and look forward to working with him in the future.

---Saoirse Cathal Kavan

I do like it when I get to use this tag

So, Americans finally voted to get themselves some of this evil socialised medicine that we've been enjoying in the civilised world for some time now.

I don't really want to spend a lot of time picking apart the nuances and effects of the bill (it's a big step in the right direction, but not as earth shattering as it could be) and I also don't want to pick apart the Republicans (even though they acted like massive tools throughout the entire process, and continually showed why American politics is far more about posturing and appearances than it is about helping the people. (I mean, that's true for almost all politics really. (Wow, that's an awful lot of brackets. Let's close a few of these.)))

Instead, what I wanted to do was link to this thread on Free Republic to point out the hilarity within. I mean, it's certainly wrong that I get so much enjoyment from this, but when dudes start quoting from Episode III:

So this is how liberty dies......with thunderous applause.

as a way to express their anger, I can't help but be highly entertained.

Also, I'm really glad that I don't have so many friends on Facebook that are American. I imagine that a few status updates have been painful to witness.

Hmm, progress!

I think I'm going to start writing again. I've been fermenting an idea I reckon I could expand into a novel for almost half a year now, and had a look back at the notes I first scribbled down on 18/05/2009, and I think I'm ready to start pulling some actual writing out of this.


How well it will go is another matter. As James was so kind to point out, I'm actually no longer living my life as one big weekend, what with the actual employment and all. It shall be interesting. Anyway, I realise that this is of no interest to people, so I'm just going to leave this link here, in which a former vice-presidential candidate commits an error that a ten-year old could probably have called as a bad idea.

LIFT AMERICAN SPIRITS

Liveblogging a Drinking Challenge

So, at 2am GMT, Obama is doing the state of the union address. I wouldn't ordinarily care, at all, but this year, in collaboration with a bunch of folks from the forum I frequent, I'm going to play the State of the Union Address Drinking Game. The rules are right here. The game, and the speech is expected to last an hour. In the entirely likely event of my death, this post will also serve as my last will and testament.

2:00am: State of the Union is meant to begin. Beer One is open and being drunk.

2:05am: Beer One is starting to get a bit low, but the president is here!

2:06am: Oh shit guys, this could hurt.

2:14am: Nancy Pelosi does not have a face. That is some kind of solid mask.

2:15am: HOPE and CHANGE are going to be big killers.

2:20am: Joe Biden and Pelosi are wearing PURPLE TIES. This is a sign of UNITY because it combines RED and BLUE. SYMBOLISM.

2:22am: TAXES TAXES TAXES TAXES HGBLUGBLUG

2:24am: Oh man, standing ovations are up to five.

2:27am: SMALL BUSINESSES. WALL STREET. BLARGH.

2:30am: Obama is all like "Health Care? Fuck you Republicans, I'm just gonna pass it, and you can just deal."

2:32am: Standing ovations count: seven.

2:35am: "Hey, all banks. FUCK YOU. GIVE US MONEY"

2:38am: Bipartisan policies, yo.

2:40am: Standing ovations count: eleven.

2:41am: PANAMA! PANAMAHAHAHAAAAAA! VAN HALEN RULES

2:44am: Barack just broke out the comedy. Hell Yes.

2:46am: Big shout-out to Michelle Obama. Barack clapped his own point for the first time 'cos he knows he's getting laid.

2:48am: Standing ovations is around seventeen Eighteen.

2:50am: McCain looks like hell. Daaamn.

2:52am: Fiscal Responsibility. This is important. There are plenty of numbers being thrown around here.

2:55am: Barack just totally laid into the senate. 'Fuck you guys, I'll just do it myself.'

2:57am: Now he's dissing the Supreme Court. Obama is THE MAN.

3.01am: Barack just cracked a joke and no-one laughed. Fantastic.

3:06am: Standing ovation from everyone except the Joint Chiefs, because Barack Obama just committed to pull out of Afghanistan, or somewhere like that.

3:14am: Barack is a GOOD DAMN COP, BUT HE DOES'T PLAY BY THE RULES, DAMMIT.

3:16am: Story Time! A little kid sent Obama his allowance money and told him to give it to Haiti. D'AWWWWW.

3:21am: We've just finished the speech. I'm pretty trashed. There are many beer cans here. And now I think we have the Republican response. I'm gonna pass out soon.

3:27am: VIRGINIA governor Bob McDonell is providing the response. IN VIRGINIAS CAPITAL. My contact in the USA informs me that his sons are 'hot'.

3:32am: Man, this guy just cannot match Obama. He just got a standing ovation, but I don't think it was a good one.

3:35am: Yep, decided I don't care about the repub response. Gonna post this and bail.

WOO OBAMA

Day Seventy Two: Some things happened today.

I am going to list them in reverse order, because that's just how I roll. And also I'm planning on getting all gay and political at the end, so I'd rather save that. So.

I saw Twilight today with Kate and Emily. I'd been wary about seeing this because it looked, to put it bluntly, fucking terrifyingly bad. And man, I was not disappointed. This is a new triumph in awful cinema. I mean, there were parts, mainly involving the father, that stood out as great, not least because they were actually intentionally funny. But then, when there's a ten minute scene with Vampire Fucking Baseball, then I started to waver. I'll admit that the film was partially saved by the beers that I snuck in. And there was also that one scene where a girl commented that a dress made her boobs look fantastic, and I could do nothing but completely agree with her. Personally, the most hilarious thing is watching Robert Pattison doing interviews. He looks totally scared and confused by the entire thing. Also, download .flv player or whatever you have to do to watch that clip. It's worth it to hear Pattison call the character that he plays (one of the two protagonists) a complete moron.

I also saw Frost/Nixon today, and it was pretty cool and interesting. A film like this is kind of tricky to recommend to people, given that it's targeting a very specific audience, especially within this country. It is worth seeing at some point, however, just because the dude who plays Nixon is pretty fantastic at what he does. Also good was noticing that Michael Sheen has to work really hard to avoid turning into Tony Blair throughout. Plus, Sam Rockwell! I love that dude!

And then, the big thing that happened today. At the inauguration today, the announcer dude totally flubbed his line! Man what a dick. I bet he wanted to die there and then. Massive worldwide audience, 2 million hearing him speak live, and he stutters while introducing a senator. I hope he doesn't go home and feel bad.

But yeah, woo Obama!

Although I do notice that chocolate money has not been falling from the sky and I have not yet been given my flying car, as expressly laid out within his campaign promises.

Man, that Obama guy is a dick.

Although thank God George Bush Jr. is no longer president. I mean, seriously? That guy? What happened there, huh America? Sounds like you got some explaining to do.

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Now playing: The Animals / House Of The Rising Sun

Day Sixty Four: A matter of urgent importance

This right here pretty much sums up why I could never live in America. I can visit, sure, and I'll always have a great love for the country I was born in. But holy fuck, an article in The Wall Street Journal dealing with the "controversy" that Obama uses a Zune instead of an iPod?

Yeah, fuck that shit.

And the fact that someone in the Obama camp had to release a statement to placate the rabid Apple fanboys who were presumably calling for blood over this hateful deceit is maybe the worst thing of all. Although, on second thoughts, Apple fanboys are maybe the most frighteningly devoted people in the world, worse than the Firefly fanboys, worse than the Coke vs Pepsi lot, even worse than the insane Harry/Hermione shippers. It's a worrying state of affairs.

So, I'm actually writing this from the past, because I won't be posting this until Wednesday morning at some point. That's right, my procrastination has reached the point where I am updating my blog purely to put off doing work. What a terrible situation to be in. At least I haven't started updating 4 times a day though. That'd just be sad.

So, hopefully at this crazy time when this will be up, I'll have written more than 500 words and actually be close to finishing. I can probably edit that in later. It's a weird situation this.

Anyway, onwards to work!

Edit: Yeah, not so much with the finishing of the essay. Still, it's Wednesday morning, I've got over half my essay done, and it's not due in until 3pm on Thursday. This might be some kind of record for me.
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Now playing: The Charlatans / The Only One I Know

Day Thirty Nine: And now, back to normality.

Yay!

So, yes, on Wednesday I felt a bit unwell. Rumours that I stayed up drinking until 4am and then danced around my room like a mad fool because Obama had crossed the line are completely untrue. But man, that was a fantastic night. Drunk as fuck by the time I got to the LCR, watching the election coverage on the big screen, watching the states roll in and seeing the lead grow higher and higher was deeply surreal. Getting a free sambuca shot and then having an epic battle with Chris for a fucking wooden spoon even more so.

Yes, rolling in home at 2am (after leaving abusive voicemails on more than one phone) and then tuning into the BBC's live coverage was good. More beer made it even better. I did attempt to compose my thoughts and feelings on this historic event as it was taking place, and the sad results can be found here.

Man, that feeling, at 4am, as California and a few other states were called, pushing Barack Obama over the line and making him the next president? Can't beat it. What a fantastic moment. And especially nice, as I'm even more proud of my country. Obviously Obama won't be a cure all. Rainbows and magic will not happen. The economy is still in a hole, and foreign relations need a fair bit of patching. But this is where I have faith. I don't think Barack is likely to waste this fantastic opportunity he has, and the amount of international goodwill that the whole world has for America should prove very, very useful for the future. Let's see how the next four years go.

After all, the only way is up!

And, just as a final note, I don't think we really saw the real John McCain until his concession speech. Now, if that McCain had been running, this race might have been very different. An extremely gracious and classy move. And seriously, McCain supporters? When your guy is trying to praise his opponent, DO NOT FUCKING BOO. Good lord.

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Now playing: Sigur Rós / Milano

Day Thirty Eight: Liveblogging some election, or something.

Obama is at 195, McCain at 76, because Obama has just won Ohio.

So, to reiterate a point from the 2004 election, OHIOWNED!

Jesse Jackson is laying down the challenge. If America can elect a Black president, where the fuck is France's black president. What about Britain's Black prime minister?

Holy Shit, the Murdoch just kinda endorsed Obama. This is insane.

Also, Oprah just jumped on the bandwagon. Which is less shocking, but still.

Uh oh, McCain just won West Virginia.

Okay, so, the BBC, home of awesome, non-biased journalism, just comapared the odds of McCains chances to the existence of the tooth fairy.

Wow, the BBC actually just took a short break to talk about just how shitty a president Bush was. Not bad. Not bad.

Wisconsin has just gone to Obama. Hey, remember that time that Colin went to America in Love Actually. Motherfucker went to Wisconsin. Oh yes. You can't buy that kind of political analysis.

McCain just took Texas. Least shocking news ever, reflected in the BBC's five seconds worth of coverage on the matter.

Holy shit, did that dude say "economic shit"?

Oh, Economic Ship. Right.

That makes more sense.

Palin, while good for the Republican base, was unable to win over Joe Sixpack.

JOE SIXPACK, PREZ FOR 2012.

An actual quote from the BBC live coverage: "0243 How disappointing; I had harboured vain hopes of using some quotes from former CBS news anchor Dan Rather about the race being as tight as "a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach" or tighter than "rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford." But the race isn't even close so far."

What.

Holy shit, this is better than the fucking election: http://www.conquerthislife.com/

You know what, fuck the fucking election.

This is better than that. So much better. Oh yes. Thanks go especially to Ryan for giving me this glorious thing. The BBC coverage is on mute now, because, holy shit, the Hoff is talking to me about Red Alert 3. Life could not get much better.

Wait.

Wait.

Eddie Fucking Izzard is on the BBC commentating on the election. What ho?

This is fascinating.

NEW AMERICA!

THE WORLD WILL BECOME FILLED WITH FLOWERS AND RAINBOWS AFTER BARACK OBAMA IS ELECTED.

Well, Fox News just called the election for Obama. I think this is now over. Even the vast right wing conspiracy has backed the next Prez. Gosh.

Republicans; Frighteningly defiant to the end.

HAHA, Media Bias from the BBC is evil and made McCain lose. You heard it here first. On the BBC.

Oops.

Man, that crazy ass dude with the moustache commentating on the election for the BBC is actually fucking crazy. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT.

The man in the Camo Baseball camp thinks that Obama is Satan, and he hates both Nancy and Barack. Gosh. McCain is the last great hope for the country.

THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED. SINCE 1992. OH YEAH.

(As an unrelated rambling note, I nearly took a wooden spoon home tonight. And the motherfucker was broken and stolen. I hate everyone. EVERYONE.)

Apparently McCain will concede within the hour. Christ I hope so. I'm fucking tired.

Hah. Doodies. Or, y'know, 'duties'. Crazy ass 'mercan accent.

IT'S ALL PALIN'S FAULT!

Man, fuck this. I'm moving to the bed. Since I have no wireless keyboard, I'm going to throw this up as it is.

***

But, I'm calling this for Obama. Seems like the safe bet.

Also, FUCK YES, OUR REPRESENTATIVE FROM SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA IS THE FUCKING VICE PRESIDENT.

WOO YAY.

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Now playing: F-Zero X - Mute City

Day Thirty Three: Dear me.

I'm still hungover as I'm typing this today. Last night was quite heavy. Extremely fun, of course, as the LGBT socials generally are, but still, my god. I was feeling it today. Jesus.

So, anyhow, have you been watching Dead Set? You really should be. It's fantastic. My drunken blogging aside last night, it truly is a fantastic show, and I wish that it was going to last longer than just this week. Imagine it, a fullblown series charting the zombie outbreak in Britain. Someone get these guys a miniseries on HBO.

The American election is worrying me. The polls and whatnot have Obama up, and he looks set to win this by a quite nice margin in the electoral college, but I'm still fucking nervous. I was worried back in '04, in my happy-go-lucky, Michael Moore tells me what is right state of affairs, and I'd have been glad for anyone to replace George, even though Kerry would have been a fucking terrible president.

The worst thing is, I'd have been happy for either McCain or Obama to become president up until recently. The problem with McCain is twofold, firstly, he hasn't really been able to run as himself, given that Obama far better represents change then he does, even though they've both broken ranks inside their individual parties.

Secondly, we have Sarah Palin. Jesus. Sarah Fucking Palin. The woman terrifies me more than George in his worst moments. Her public interviews terrify me. The woman does not read papers. When pushed, she couldn't name any. I like to think that even (still!) President Bush would be able to tell you what the fuck the New York Times was. Plus, admittedly, I do the tiniest crush on Joe Biden. Motherfucker is from Scranton. He seems genuinely passionate about politics. In short, he seems like he gives a shit about what he does, while Palin just cares what she can do with power once she has it.

She may end up costing McCain the election, and that's unfortunate, as this is something that he's tried to do several times, and it's just never worked out. Imagine if he'd won the nomination in 2000. No George. Just John.

So, we'll see. Popular opinion seems in favour of Obama. But, it's politics. Who can tell what'll happen in the next 5 days?

Day Twenty Five: False Advertising works better than expected.

Emily: "Can you really see famous naked people at your site?"

Animation seminar today was great. We saw the horrors that corporate capitalism unleashed on The Flintstones, and latterly was a formative part of much of Saturday morning programming. This course is fascinating, but I get the feeling that it might be destroying my faith in humanity.

That said, we did get to watch not only Voltron, but also the mighty He-Man. I mean, Voltron is about Robot Lions that transform into a giant Mech that wields an enormous sword in order to DEFEND THE UNIVERSE. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what people had in mind when they were redefining the word 'awesome'.

The seminar was also successful in that I managed to be labelled as a Communist, Fascist and a Socialist. Admittedly, this was because James was extolling the joys of Capitalism a little too hard, and I kind of get the urge when people are so committed to an ideal that I like to be contrary, just for its own sake. Ryan also expressed fear about my early essay starting, but I reassured him, as out of the two essays, I've only started one, and it's not the film one. I couldn't start that early, its just traditional that I do all my film work at the absolute last minute. That's just the way that the world works.

Also, I only realised today that Joe Biden is actually from Scranton, Pennsylvania. This is awesome enough to warrant my unquestioning support for the Obama/Biden campaign, because I'm hugely gay for the office, and all that surrounds it.

Plus, Barack is actually Superman.

Finally, I'm going to go off and enjoy Burn after Reading, and also get myself a beer and a burger. God, university life is fantastic.

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Now playing: John Murphy / In the House-In a Heartbeat

Day Twenty Two: Youtube will be the death of me.

I was originally going to post something completely different tonight.

My copy of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut had finished downloading, and since it's been ages since I've last seen it, I thought I'd do a comparison between my current response and my fifteen year old response. The twenty year old one would have been a long, insightful and thoughtful analysis. The Fifteen year old one would have been "Hur, they swore a whole bunch of times. Also, Boobs."

Yes, I plan my entries around single jokes, and then hopelessly twist a whole mess of words around them. Leave me alone.

Anyway, the point I'm laboriously struggling to get to is that about 10 minutes into the film I'd shifted it up into the corner of my screen while I clicked around on youtube for random stuff, and that's where I ended up spending about two hours watching Boris Johnson in pretty much all his guest appearances on Have I got News for You, Room 101 and that sort of thing, and laughing myself silly.

Now politically, I may not agree with Boris. As a filthy lefty centrist whatever it is you pick when the two main parties horrify you, I generally am turned off by much of what emerges from Westminister. Politics, and all the media, spin and shit just irritates me. That's why I like following it so much. Like anything that infuriates me, I keep wanted to understand the hows and whys.

Boris, in this respect, is quite refreshing. A healthy departure from all the lovely soundbites and shiny-facedness of Cameron, and far more cheery than Gordon. Have you seen Gordon smile? It's fucking creepy.

What's more, it's clear that he's got something that very few UK politicians have, which is actual charisma. Holy shit, it's just nice for a politician to crack a joke! I'm not advocating that we go to the American system, which is all about personality, but guys, let's have some fun in politics!

Although, seriously, Clegg is the fucking man. No, really.

Now, back to youtube!

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Now playing: Graham Coxon / Standing On My Own Again