Day Fifty Six: SPECIAL SUNDAY UPDATE OF DRUNKENESS

So, it appears a certain Mr Turner has taken on himself to dare criticize the shining beacon of perfection that is this blog.

Well, that's fine. After all, I welcome attacks on my opinions. Because my opinions are unique in that they are always, 100% correct. This is true. Because I said so. And, as we've discussed, I am always, always right.

James claims somehow that The Cable Guy is a bad film. He puts forward the idea that it is boring and "Jim Carey[sic] suck arse in it." Now, as much as I enjoy intelligent film criticism, I have to say that this really excels. I mean, it takes a true talent to say that a film is boring without ever being entirely clear on why. Especially given that the films tone of unsettling terror is happily counterbalanced by an action scene every twenty minutes, and dialogue that is truly inspired and perfectly satirical for the time.

Now, actual criticisms I could understand. The direction is sloppy, which is understandable given that it is Stiller's first film, but it's still a point to be made. Furthermore, we never really connect with out protagonist at work, and it's only outside that we are given the opportunity to engage with him. These are proper, intelligent criticisms.

But for James to simply dismiss it as boring?

Well.

I'm not going to say that he's fucking retarded for making this assumption. I'm not going to say that he is crappy and uninspired in making a blog, purely to attempt to compete with the sheer awesome that is this one. And I'm not going to say that he's a total loser for not going out tonight and instead staying in and writing on his blog.

I won't say any of those things, because I'm a lovely person. I'll simply say that the half-arsed, rambling post above is something that I managed in about ten minutes, and that James has no good taste in films. Any films that he might like in common with me are clearly products of his deluded mind.

Also, I'm kind of drunk and kind of angry. Not at James, but some other things. So.

Hopefully you'll now all understand that James is painfully wrong, and The Cable Guy is fucking awesome.

Goodnight.

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Now playing: Orson / No Tomorrow

Day Fifty Five: Hungover now.

So, yeah, I felt incredibly healthy this morning. Actually, I think I was still drunk. The hangover took about three hours to kick in, so I'm now dealing with that.

Here's what I remember from last night:

• Buying and downing a JD and coke in about 10 seconds to get to the screen quickly.
• Leaving the theatre about five minutes after that to buy some beer.
• Pierce Brosnan is a man who I have a great deal of respect for, but Jesus, the man cannot sing. At all.
• Hasn't Meryl Streep won something like twelve Oscars? What the hell happened?
• Colin Firth still has impeccable comic timing. Although, in the two most recent films I've seen him in, he's been gay. I'm not sure what to make of this. Maybe he keeps having a quiet word with the director, and somehow a scene where he has to get shirtless and hug a naked man makes its way into the script.
• The post credits scene where the cast sings 'Waterloo' was so, so brutally gay.
• After the film, I had a lot of difficulty standing. This did not stop me from being a charming motherfucker, as well as ordering a considerable amount of booze.
• I left with a hat that did not belong to me, and a poster that I'm pretty sure I stole just to hit people with.
• Finally, I found this on my phone this morning.

Hmm.

I have no answers for you. All I can say is that I'm listening to Dragonforce's latest album and rocking out with my new hat on. And I have a 21st birthday to go to tomorrow. It's going to be a good weekend.

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Now playing: Dragonforce / Reasons to Live

Day Fifty Four: DRUNKSS

disclaimarse: I am ver y fdrunks right about now, mkay.?

BUTTS

So, I suppose I'd best udate then.

I am, once again, feeling ver gay, having watched today the thing that is Mama Mia!. I mean, I am a film student and so should appreciate such monumenmenental films. After all, this motherfucker has sold more on DVD than Titanic, although Titanic was released in 2000 and so is working with a slight disadvantage/

Anyway, this film was not graeat. It wasn't bad either. The only problem was, throughout the entire thing, I kept thinking that this was a film that is totally not being marketed towards mee. Like, at all. I mean, jesus god, this film was terrible for someone like me.

However, things picked up a bit after thew film.

Given that I'd had a couple opf drinks before the screenign , hand snuck, (snook)? (sneck)? a fourpack of san migueal in, I was a leeeeeeetle bit drunk when watching this.ss And it was pretty bad.


And I say that SAS a man who got enjoyment out of Hairspray.

Quite aside from that, agfter the film, I got drunk, stole some things, anrd I lived haoppiky ever after. THE EDNDDDD,.

BUT WAIT.

SO, I finally get in , with trilby and stolen poseter, and I'm feeling pretty good.

I am listening to the TROPIC THUNDER soundtrack on Loud an it is the bestest thing ecverszszz.

,mans, I dont;y evrne knoe words weantmor.

I am dnot still drinkminfdddhg

honests.ss


EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeDQ"


Furthermore, Ia tbutss.........

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Now playing: The Crystal Method / Name of the Game

Day Fifty Three: Why The Cable Guy is the best film ever.

Yes, I'm aware that I've done one of these before. Let me explain something first.

I have a tendency to get, just maybe a bit hyperbolic about movies or TV that I like. Actually, that's not strictly true. I get a bit over the top when describing any single piece of media, good or bad. This is not a bad thing, it just tends to mislead people when I tell them something is fantastic. However, when I say that a film is, in fact, the best film ever, you can still assume that it's pretty damn good.

With that in mind here's why The Cable Guy is fantastic.

The film centers around Matthew Broderick (nicest man in Hollywood) who splits up with his girlfriend. Then, as he gets settled into his new place, he meets...The Cable Guy.

Given that this was the film that nearly killed Jim Carrey's career (that's now been replaced by 23), I was a bit worried when I first watched it. But man, does this film ever rock. Nowadays Jim Carrey plays against type all the time, but this was the first time that he ever did it. And seriously, if your expecting something along the lines of Ace Ventura, or The Mask (which is also fantastic), then you won't be happy. Carrey plays a dude who is completely insane, and not in a fun and happy way. The film just centre around the friendship that Carrey essentially forces onto Broderick, and Matt just becomes more and more freaked out.

Ah hell, you know what, just watch the clip.

If this doesn't appeal to you, then, well, you're probably a bad person.

Or you fear good things. Either way, you should probably watch it.

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Now playing: Jim Carrey / Somebody to Love

Day Fifty Two: An after action report on Day Fifty One

Whoa, wide-screen youtube! Thank god too, otherwise we wouldn't be able to enjoy things like this.

Actually, maybe that isn't the best example. Although it's still quite cool. (wide-screen youtube, that is, not the really fat kid.)

Anyway.

I felt a little fried Monday morning, having stayed up all night to write an essay. Apparently I posted something as well, but I'm at a loss as to where my rambling was headed. Although, I suppose all nighter essay sessions do lead to these things, so I shouldn't be surprised.

So, I wander onto campus, being terribly grumpy to Kate on the bus the whole way there, and headed to the library to print the essay, which, amazingly, had been sent without a hitch. Then, after correcting a couple of basic formatting errors that I hadn't even spotted a few hours ago, I printed it off. It took me about twenty minutes, as I had to try to print, realise I was out of credit, put credit onto my card, lose my card, find my card, and then use it to print out my essay.

As I was approaching dangerous levels of anger, I decided to grab some food from Blend, and then swear horribly into a panini on my way to handing it in. Seriously, I said, terrible things to that poor panini. I'm hoping it doesn't revenge itself of my digestive system, just because I said those things about it's mother.

Which probably says more about my own mental state more than anything else.

Essay handed in, I went home, and went to bed for eight hours while Independence Day played in the background, only to be woken once by Emily wandering through my room to leave the house. A conversation may have been had. I honestly can't remember.

Oh, and I think James finally got through to me after ringing my phone about eight times, and I had another conversation which I do not remember at all.

Anyway, woken up properly, I had a lovely meal which Kate made, and then watched a good bit of The Office with Callum, with him leaving at ten to do...something. Time then, I thought, to turn in. Get some sleep and have an early night for a change.

So, that done, I got changed, and then promptly went out to Optic and got raucously drunk on double whisky and lemonade for several hours, before finally turning in at 3am.

Man, I am really going to miss being a student.

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Now playing: Tim Cameron / Scientology Is Gay

Day Fifty One: Excerpts from my politics in animation essay (which focused on The Iron Giant)

- Has anyone ever noticed that Brad Bird seems to have a serious problem with redheads? Seriously, the villain in both The Iron Giant and The Incredibles is a ginger. I mean, Jesus, I think Brad has a serious hang-up on this.

- Man, The Iron Giant is totally about not fucking with the communists. The giant is all like, ‘be who you want to be’, and only acting in self defence, but when he thinks the military have killed Hogarth, he fucks their shit up but good.

- “Superman…” I mean damn, if you aren’t holding back a little tear there, then you officially have no soul.

- Did you know that Vin Diesels voice required absolutely no changes for his voice work? When he speaks normally, he actually sounds like a 50-foot robot.

- Oh, that Mansley dude is the definition of bureaucratic arsehole. Seriously. In the live action version, he would be played by the same dude who played Walter Peck.

- While it is obvious that The Iron Giant represents communism, and Dean the beatnik free spirit of America, it is less obvious but no less true that the fisherman represents the red states of America. And Mansley's Car is clearly a symbol for the crumbled military-industrial complex. Also, nukes just represent nukes. They don't need no symbols dude. They already know what they are.

- The American military is great, and actually super effective and efficient. Except, of course, when it has to deal with 50-foot robots.

- Jennifer Aniston is now fantastically distracting as a voice actor. I keep replacing her with Rachel instead of Hogarth's Mum.

Although, holy shit, she’s ginger too. Okay, so red-headed girls good, red-headed guys, bad.

- Do not play Atomo with the Iron Giant. He will melt you with his laser eyes.

-Rather than referencing, I choose to leave all footnotes and references blank until the end, where I put "GOD IS THE SOURCE OF ALL TRUTH AND LIGHT. ALL TRUTH IS FROM HIM, AND WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE TO HIS WILL."
Then I put a row of kisses, and a smiley face.

And a crudely drawn picture of a bear.

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Now playing: Pink Floyd / The Great Gig in the Sky

Day Fifty: Movie Rundown

So, this Waltz with Bashir film? It looks pretty fucking awesome to me. Very cool animation style, and nice to see some more stuff coming from the middle east nowadays. As Kate is at pains to tell me, everyone needs to be doing her Israeli-Palestinian politics module, and while I don't think that's entirely practical, I certainly think that more cultural things emerging from the region is a great step in that sort of direction.

But therein lies a problem. See, at the moment, we're entering into a slump in the cinema industry, quite aside from all this financial crisis nonsense. This period, from November until about May, is where films get dumped. Occasionally we'll get a big event movie, that's essentially designed to be the single cinema outing, but apart from that, we've got bugger all coming out. (By the way, this year it's going to be The Day the Earth Stood Still. I'm not saying it'll do it's job entirely well, I just think it's got more of a shot than say, Twilight. Or Punisher: War Zone. Although I would love for the latter to rock the shit out of the box office because fuck yes Ray Stevenson. Anyway.)

The point is that I think I've been far too spoiled by this years summer season. First we had Iron Man, then Dark Knight, and then finally Tropic Thunder, three films that utterly rocked my socks off, as well as being surrounded by other, slightly less awesome films, like The Incredible Hulk, and, um, well, The Incredible Hulk. Now we've got to go back to sitting and waiting for next summer to roll around before the awesome films. It's just not right.

I mean, admittedly, the line-up doesn't look fantastic yet. But still. We've got Watchmen. That certainly looks pretty face rocking to me.

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Now playing: Focus / Hocus Pocus