Day Three: Why Shoot 'Em Up is the best film ever.

I was originally going to write a post about how, in fact, the best film ever was The Fifth Element, but since what I was writing about it started turning into the various ways in which The Fifth Element is, for an action movie, actually a scarily layered and complex film. So, you'll have to forgive me while I attempt to compose my ramblings about how Jean-Baptise Emanuell Zorg is the greatest villain in cinematic history, and how Milla Yovoovovovovoivch's actual Orange hair makes me experience special and weird feelings.

So, Shoot 'Em Up.

It's actually a fairly modern flick, only released last year. It is AWESOME. The entire 90 minute film is essentially one long action sequence, from the moment the film opens as Clive Owen helps deliver a baby whilst in the midst of a gunfight (before cutting the umbilical cord with his gun) up until the point where he jumps out of a plane, and has an extended gunfight with a number of goons. Science has attempted to point out the obvious and logical flaws in this idea, as well as the gross affront to the laws of physics, but man, if loving aerial gunfights is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

Clive Owen strolls through the film as an extreme, over the top badass, killing people with scary efficiency and actually spouting cheesy one liners. I can't tell you how long cinema has needed a return to this. Monica Bellucci is the hooker with a heart of gold who is the love interest, although, in keeping with the stylistic direction of the film, the first time they have sex is also in the middle of a gunfight. Finally, round it out with the generally-creepy-looking-anyway Paul Giamatti who plays a fantastic villain who needs to commit an act of gross necrophilia just so we understand that he is the bad guy.

Basically, this film is just a massive, awesome orgy of gunporn, boobies, fighting, shooting and one liners. It's fantastic. It's an affirmation of all that is right with modern cinema.

It does not, however, contain a hovering boat which sells chinese food, so it's still not quite as awesome as The Fifth Element.