Friday 16 April 2010

The Debate

Tim from Bristol: If you were to come into power, how would your party change a broken light bulb?

Nick: We'd ensure that the people have the power to replace light bulbs when they break and also see to it that replacement light bulbs are much more energy-efficient and long-lasting.

Gordon: While we could replace a light bulb, the reality is that no light bulb is broken. Light bulbs today are also the brightest and most efficient than they've ever been.

David: Thank you for asking this vital question. A lady wrote to me last week telling me how every light bulb she has in her house has broken over the past 12 years of Labour government. Every single one. Only the Conservatives can bring real change to British light bulbs.

Gordon: The only reason the Tories would bring in new light bulbs would be to make David's face look even shinier. The fact is, new light bulbs would only hinder Britain's economic recovery and that is something Labour is unwilling to let happen. How would the Conservatives finance this exactly?

David: Recent studies have shown that it's not the broken light bulbs that need changing. The real issue is, why do we even need light bulbs in the first place? I'll tell you why. It's because Britain is dark and it's only getting darker. Not a day goes by where it doesn't become so dark that it doesn't become inevitable that at some point you will have to rely on a light bulb to even walk around your own home. Why has Labour allowed this continue for so long and why are they so in denial about it?

Gordon: We are not in denial, we just have the experience and the wisdom to realise that we are not alone in this problem. The rest of Europe knows, even America knows, that darkness is a global problem that affects everyone. However, this is not a problem that will just go away overnight. We all need to work together, both across our parties and with the wider world community to overcome darkness in a way that is fairer to everyone.

Nick: You know, the more you two talk, the more apparent it becomes that neither of you have a real understanding of this at all. Broken light bulbs just need replacing with new ones. It's as simple as that

David: And where would you find the capital for these 'simple' plans to change light bulbs? You can't talk of slashing £16bn of expenses and then say that you'll do it by giving everyone free light bulbs for life. The numbers just don't add up.

Gordon: I'm sure Nick will agree with me here, what Britain's light bulb infrastructure is solid, long-term investment in ensuring that Britain is prepared for when light bulbs break. We need continuous investment in Education, the NHS and the armed forces so that we able to prevent light bulbs from breaking. This is what Labour has done and is what it will continue to do. The Conservatives can talk all they want about change, but when it comes down to it the only people to benefit from their plans is the top 5% earners. This is why Labour has made a personal promise to every citizen that when their light bulbs break we will guarantee them access to an electrician within 2 weeks, and a light bulb changing operation within 3 weeks. David can't make that promise, and Nick can't make that promise.

Nick: What? Tim, going back to your question; broken light bulbs can be replaced with a new one. There is no need for any extra bureaucracy or politics.

Gordon: I agree with Nick.

David: I'm sorry Gordon but I just can't agree with you on that. I agree with Nick and look forward to working with him in the future.

---Saoirse Cathal Kavan

Saturday 3 April 2010

Internet Picture Saturday

I don't remember the last post at all, although I certainly could have done another one the other night. That was some good drinkin'

Anyway, it's that time of the week.


Sunday 28 March 2010

The Drunken Sunday Update

Wooooooooooooooooo, drinking!]]


OKay, so, I am drunk. But that fioeesn't mean I ahve serious opinions ions on things
...
...

...
...
;.;./;/,ml kplmgasesterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr




okay, look, the point is, that, at this moment in time, I am tremendously happy with life.###


Deal with it, bitches.

Tuesday 23 March 2010

God Bless Disney

Okay, so I've made the point before that my job is pretty sweet. However, I think I've found an even better job.

To make sure LA talent scouts don't get caught in a "booby trap," potential lassies will have to undergo a Hollywood-style jiggle-your-jugs test and jog for judges. If there's nothing moving from the waist up, they're saying, it's a dead giveaway that you're not all flesh and bones -- and you're out

Phenomenal. How tricky would it be to fly out to California and apply for this?

Monday 22 March 2010

I do like it when I get to use this tag

So, Americans finally voted to get themselves some of this evil socialised medicine that we've been enjoying in the civilised world for some time now.

I don't really want to spend a lot of time picking apart the nuances and effects of the bill (it's a big step in the right direction, but not as earth shattering as it could be) and I also don't want to pick apart the Republicans (even though they acted like massive tools throughout the entire process, and continually showed why American politics is far more about posturing and appearances than it is about helping the people. (I mean, that's true for almost all politics really. (Wow, that's an awful lot of brackets. Let's close a few of these.)))

Instead, what I wanted to do was link to this thread on Free Republic to point out the hilarity within. I mean, it's certainly wrong that I get so much enjoyment from this, but when dudes start quoting from Episode III:
So this is how liberty dies......with thunderous applause.
as a way to express their anger, I can't help but be highly entertained.

Also, I'm really glad that I don't have so many friends on Facebook that are American. I imagine that a few status updates have been painful to witness.

Sunday 21 March 2010

SANKYO

what the hell is this



i don't even

Wednesday 17 March 2010

Right, blogging at work.

Man, there's a whole new level of dork that I'm discovering within myself here. I mean, I'm working in IT, and now I'm updating my blog on the internet while I should be working.

Clearly, I have made some bad decisions in my life.

So, anyway, it's the international day of drinking Guinness and saying something like 'Well, my Great-Grandfather was like, a quarter Irish, so that makes today a national holiday for me' and then drinking ten million pints of green beer and throwing up on someone. This always seemed like a curious holiday to be celebrating in the UK, given that we really don't need the excuse to go to the pub and drink heavily. We already have a whole range of excuses, like "Footy is on telly, let's go to the pub and watch it" or "It is [unwilling friend]'s birthday, let's drag him to the pub and force booze down his throat" or even the popular "Today is pub day. Let's do it."

The only appreciable difference that I expect to face tonight it shamrock decorations, silly hats and a more difficult time in getting to the bar.

Oh, that, and I actually won't have spent all day drinking, which is a first in about four years I think. Instead, I'm running from lunch beers, and then a few quick tins in the late hours of work and on the train up to the pub this evening. It promises to be an okay night. Hopefully I won't have to murder anyone.

Saturday 6 March 2010

Internet Picture Saturday

At some point I might start properly posting again. Until then...

Tuesday 2 March 2010

Oh boy oh boy

Doctor Who comes back on April 3rd. Words cannot really say how excited I am about this. New Doctor, New Companion, hell, a nice new lick of paint for the TARDIS inside and out, and Steven Moffatt taking over as the show-runner. It's going to be a damn good season, and it can't come soon enough. Anyway, time for the trailer:

Monday 22 February 2010

Oh, the Internet.

So there's this website called ChatRoulette. It's a neat little site which takes random people all over the internet with webcams and matches them up to talk, or more commonly, demand that each other show them various body parts. Bringing together all the wonderful things from the internet in one horrifying cauldron.

So, obviously there's a compilation site with all the best shots, hilarious reactions, and terrifying pairings. The point I'm making here is that I found the very best picture.



There are a shitload more over at CHATROULOLZ. This is my very favourite thing right now.

Sunday 21 February 2010

Scribbled Thoughts from a Long Weekend

*Ripped directly from my notepad when I got in today*

This is the first time I've been sober in about 3 days now. I'm writing this down old school style, on a notepad that I brought with me in a flight of madness. This will go up in the blog later, but for now le me trace my steps to find out how I got here.

Thursday

A long tiring day at work. Nothing but standard stuff, but man, the day dragged on and on, and was made even worse by how tired I was. Anyway, directly from work, I wind up at the Ivory Rooms, celebrating my sister's 18th birthday, about ten days before it actually takes place. Surrounded by teenagers and parents, I decide to drink to power through. Entirely fucked, I go to bed at 1am.

Friday

I wake up in a haze of terror realising three things simultaneously:
  1. I need to be on the train to work in ten minutes
  2. I need to put together a weekend survival kit for my trip to Nottingham in the evening.
  3. I cannot find any underpants.
I solve this with incredible alacrity and roll into work five minutes early, looking horrifying, and spend much of the morning attempting not to throw up on anything valuable. At lunch with a friend, I get a steak and wash it down with three pints in an attempt to get my head right again. The afternoon passes by in a blur of Facebook, music and boredom. Post work, I plant myself on the train to Nottingham with my copy of Good Omens and listen to Glee, the two bits of pop culture blending together quite nicely. After I arrive, plans are formed, booze is bought and we attend a house party and meet a girl called Ousome Georgia, pronounced "AWESOME GEORGIA" and repeatedly inform her just how awesome her name is. We also see several male poledancers.

Saturday

I wake up with Mike gently spooning me and declare immediately that we must go to the pub. We visit the local, eat a great deal of meet while watching football and drinking beer, declaring loudly that we are true men. We move on to Nottingham SU, and I lose spectacularly at pool while drinking very heavily. At one point, friend of The Useless Ambition, James Turner turns up to drink with us. He has j2o, and many slanderous things are suggested, concerning his homosexual leanings, minuscule penis and incredibly gay car. Then he drives us to buy more booze and these criticisms vanish into the ether. James leaves shortly after depositing us back at Mike's place, leaving us with nothing but a crate of beer and a solid sense of goodness in the world.

After much more drinking, we head to town, hitting up Nottingham Trent's uni club, on the basis that the male to female ratio is approximately 1-5. I amaze Mike and his flatmates with my display of my magnificent flirt ray powers on the local ladies, and make spurious claims about Mike's dancing abilities on the public display text screen. It's a good night, and a good club, and, much later, we return to Mike's buying phenomenal kebabs and sit up until 5am, watching crappy TV and setting the world to rights.

Sunday

We wake up to Ozzy Osbourne singing 'Stayin' Alive'. We head into town planning our futures (a company that delivers fry-ups door to door, with a pre-night ordering service) Our millionaire status assured, we break fast in Subway and have a quick half before parting ways at the station. About half an hour into the trip we are informed that the train in front has broken down, and so we're being diverted in some incredibly circuitous route around the country. It's at this point my phone runs out of power, and I start writing some absolute garbage to avoid conversation with the ginger beardy bloke next to me.

Yes, YOU.

Stop reading over my shoulder.

Weirdo.

Tuesday 16 February 2010

TV, you lied to me!

They didn't do this much work on The IT Crowd. Today was one of the most labour intensive days I think I've had. Spent the whole morning ripping apart a pair of desks, and creating new work set-ups for two new traders who, I'm certain, will immediately decide that they don't like where they've been set up and demand to be moved. I've never seen a more horrifying collection of tangled wires and miscellaneous plugs and other assorted crap, with the possible exception of the time I first tried to organise my games consoles into working order. A SNES, Playstation, N64 and Gamecube, along with assorted DVD and TV cables. I truly knew what it was to party when I was thirteen.

It's not all bad though. I spent almost my entire afternoon on Facebook and was mean to other people who were in actual demanding jobs. It's been good, but I'm glad I'm never being specific about where I work, otherwise I get the feeling that one day I'm going to wake up to this:

marriedtothesea.com
(Via marriedtothesea.com)

Monday 15 February 2010

Doctorin' the Tardis

So, the synopsis for the new season of Doctor Who got leaked today:

A new era of Doctor Who begins in Spring 2010. This latest series of the BBC's flagship drama programme sees Matt Smith's debut as the new, Eleventh incarnation of the famous Time Lord alongside a new travelling companion, the enigmatic Amy Pond (Karen Gillan).

Together they explore 16th century Venice, France during the 1890s and the United Kingdom in the far future, now an entire nation floating in space.

As always, wherever the Doctor goes, his oldest enemies are never far behind – the Daleks are hatching a new master plan from the heart of war-torn London in the 1940s. But they are not the only strange creatures the Doctor and Amy must face – there are also alien vampires. humanoid reptiles, old enemies such as the Weeping Angels, a Star Whale, and a silent menace that follows Amy and the Doctor around wherever they go…

SPACE WHALES. WHALES IN SPACE.And Daleks and WWII and spacebourne UK and alien vampires, and the return of the weeping angels, yes, but still, SPACE WHALES.

I came in late to the Doctor Who party, I only started watching during the Tennant/Tate era, which managed to win me offer despite the presence of Catherine Tate who is possibly the most irritating woman in British entertainment. I worked hard to catch up though, about mid-season there I was fully caught up on the RTD relaunch episodes, and towards the end I'm pretty sure I was spending an awful lot of time memorising wikipedia articles on the subject. All that aside, I'm placing an awful lot of hope in this season, and that's purely on the strength of Stephen Moffat's writing. He hasn't written a bad episode of Who yet, and with an entire season to play with, I don't think he'll be inclined to start.

Plus, unless I failed to mention it, this season will have SPACE WHALES.

Wednesday 10 February 2010

Okay, everything about this is awesome

Did you know that the Muppets have their own youtube channel, and it's pretty much the best thing ever.

Well, you do now. Go watch them doing Bohemian Rhapsody, right now. Actually, first you should watch this:

Monday 8 February 2010

On this day...

February the 8th. A date which will live in infamy. I know, I know, you're racking your brains, or even googling or wiki'ing to find out what's so damn important about this date. Well, there are a few things, like the execution of Mary, Queen of Scots, or the first radio in the White House, or the opening of the NASDAQ for the very first time, or even, sadly, the last night-time launch of the Space Shuttle. However, as momentous as these moments in history may be, none of them even begin to compare to the truly blessed event that occurred today.

I finally got away from AOL, and switched to BT Broadband. It is truly a wonderful and amazing time. No longer am I under the oppressive shackles of the evil tyrant, AOL. I am now under the whims of a slightly less oppressive tyrant, who has tripled my broadband speed.

I think I had a point here somewhere. I think it was something to do with the notion that the entire time that I've had a computer, it's been connecting to the internet through AOL, except for those brief, halcyon days at University when I got to tangle with true power, like the 20MB offered by Virgin Media.

Anyway, I want to avoid this sounding too much like an advert, or at the very least, like positive endorsements of any of the aforementioned companies. What you should mainly be getting here is that AOL is terrible, simply awful, a blight and a cancer on society, and that I am finally free. I couldn't possibly be happier.

Sunday 7 February 2010

Hmm, progress!

I think I'm going to start writing again. I've been fermenting an idea I reckon I could expand into a novel for almost half a year now, and had a look back at the notes I first scribbled down on 18/05/2009, and I think I'm ready to start pulling some actual writing out of this.


How well it will go is another matter. As James was so kind to point out, I'm actually no longer living my life as one big weekend, what with the actual employment and all. It shall be interesting. Anyway, I realise that this is of no interest to people, so I'm just going to leave this link here, in which a former vice-presidential candidate commits an error that a ten-year old could probably have called as a bad idea.

LIFT AMERICAN SPIRITS

Wednesday 3 February 2010

Every cliche about Tech Support is true...

This is because yesterday, after encountering a problem with one of the machines in our office, I told someone to try turning it off and on again. And it worked!

I love this job.

Tuesday 2 February 2010

The 4.a.m Tuesday Update

So, yesterday was my first day of gainful employment. I think it hit me, as I was commuting(!) in with all the other young business professionals, I'm one of those people. It's incredibly surreal. It's been all I.D passes and lunch hours (yeah, that's right James, I get an hour. Suck it down!)

Anyways, thanks to going to bed at something like 9pm, I'm now awake at 4.30, so I thought I'd fire up a quick update today. I'm not sure how likely long updates are going to be during the week, it probably depends how 'busy' I am. Now I'm going to watch Simpsons episodes until it's time for work, and do some light facebook correspondance.

Ah, life is good.

Thursday 28 January 2010

Well, damn.

"That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write 'Fuck you' right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say 'Holden Caulfield' on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died and then right under that it'll say 'Fuck you.' I'm positive, in fact."

--J. D. Salinger

Wednesday 27 January 2010

Liveblogging a Drinking Challenge

So, at 2am GMT, Obama is doing the state of the union address. I wouldn't ordinarily care, at all, but this year, in collaboration with a bunch of folks from the forum I frequent, I'm going to play the State of the Union Address Drinking Game. The rules are right here. The game, and the speech is expected to last an hour. In the entirely likely event of my death, this post will also serve as my last will and testament.

2:00am: State of the Union is meant to begin. Beer One is open and being drunk.

2:05am: Beer One is starting to get a bit low, but the president is here!

2:06am: Oh shit guys, this could hurt.

2:14am: Nancy Pelosi does not have a face. That is some kind of solid mask.

2:15am: HOPE and CHANGE are going to be big killers.

2:20am: Joe Biden and Pelosi are wearing PURPLE TIES. This is a sign of UNITY because it combines RED and BLUE. SYMBOLISM.

2:22am: TAXES TAXES TAXES TAXES HGBLUGBLUG

2:24am: Oh man, standing ovations are up to five.

2:27am: SMALL BUSINESSES. WALL STREET. BLARGH.

2:30am: Obama is all like "Health Care? Fuck you Republicans, I'm just gonna pass it, and you can just deal."

2:32am: Standing ovations count: seven.

2:35am: "Hey, all banks. FUCK YOU. GIVE US MONEY"

2:38am: Bipartisan policies, yo.

2:40am: Standing ovations count: eleven.

2:41am: PANAMA! PANAMAHAHAHAAAAAA! VAN HALEN RULES

2:44am: Barack just broke out the comedy. Hell Yes.

2:46am: Big shout-out to Michelle Obama. Barack clapped his own point for the first time 'cos he knows he's getting laid.

2:48am: Standing ovations is around seventeen Eighteen.

2:50am: McCain looks like hell. Daaamn.

2:52am: Fiscal Responsibility. This is important. There are plenty of numbers being thrown around here.

2:55am: Barack just totally laid into the senate. 'Fuck you guys, I'll just do it myself.'

2:57am: Now he's dissing the Supreme Court. Obama is THE MAN.

3.01am: Barack just cracked a joke and no-one laughed. Fantastic.

3:06am: Standing ovation from everyone except the Joint Chiefs, because Barack Obama just committed to pull out of Afghanistan, or somewhere like that.

3:14am: Barack is a GOOD DAMN COP, BUT HE DOES'T PLAY BY THE RULES, DAMMIT.

3:16am: Story Time! A little kid sent Obama his allowance money and told him to give it to Haiti. D'AWWWWW.

3:21am: We've just finished the speech. I'm pretty trashed. There are many beer cans here. And now I think we have the Republican response. I'm gonna pass out soon.

3:27am: VIRGINIA governor Bob McDonell is providing the response. IN VIRGINIAS CAPITAL. My contact in the USA informs me that his sons are 'hot'.

3:32am: Man, this guy just cannot match Obama. He just got a standing ovation, but I don't think it was a good one.

3:35am: Yep, decided I don't care about the repub response. Gonna post this and bail.

WOO OBAMA

Tuesday 26 January 2010

My brain feels a little fried.

I've got 1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins stuck in my head, and it will not go away. I've resorted to downloading it, but playing it over and over again is not working anymore. As a result, I think I'm going mildly insane.

Anyways, I've finally gotten round to downloading Arrested Development, and I'm working my way through that, astounded at how it's practically note-perfect, not a single missed step, balancing awkwardness, hilarity, and genuine emotion in the same minute. I'm starting to suspect there's something wrong here, it seems far too good for an American series, but it's going on far too long to be British. It's outstanding though. I'm understanding why people have been recommending it for bloody ages, but obviously they should have forced me ever harder.

Also, Steam is being a bastard, constantly offering brilliant deals. This game Psychonauts, which I've heard nothing but universal praise for, is going for a single English pound. Even if I wasn't facing the prospect of active employment that's starting next week, I'd still buy it, because for a quid, any game is worth it. Except maybe Starship Troopers. Two pounds that cost me, and I'm still convinced they should be paying me to play it.

HOLY FUCK THIS SONG WON'T GO AWAY

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

AAAAAAAAAA

Monday 25 January 2010

(500) Days of Summer is a really good film.

It's always great when you catch a film that you've heard almost nothing about, and it's really good. Things like Iron Man 2, yeah I'm excited, but if pushed, I could give you a pretty good plot outline and a breakdown of every key scene. It doesn't tarnish the enjoyment of the film, but it does mean I'll sit in the theatre going 'right, so I still haven't seen that bit from the trailer, so obviously that dude can't die, and we've still got to see the big finale so that's another 45 minutes, call it an hour tops' and that's all I can think about for the entire movie.

So, when I see a flick like 500 Days, it's always great to be a little bit lost, a little bit unsure where the plot is going to lead, and what's going to happen. Plus, it's co-starring Zooey Deschanel, who I think I'm actually in love with, so that's another big plus for it. This film is not your average romantic comedy, and I say that as someone who actively loathes the genre, just for the sheer volume of crap that it manages to generate. The only other film I've seen recently in this genre that was actually decent was Definitely, Maybe, and I think I was predicated towards that thanks to Ryan Reynolds, who I would turn gay for so quickly that it'd cause sonic booms.

Anyway, 500 Days. It's got this wonderful narrative that skips back and forth all over the titular time period, and is great to watch on some form of portable media as opposed to the big screen, simply because you can skip backwards and forwards, seeing scenes repeat themselves with fresh perspective, and watching others with a sense of dread, as you know where they're building to. To be honest, I was sold on this film from the start, the rest was just backing up my initial impressions. The film opens on a title:


AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following is a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead
is purely coincidental.

Especially you Jenny Beckman.


Bitch.

Thursday 21 January 2010

Grand Theft Auto? More like Grand Theft...of my Heart

So, because I've got my finger on the pulse of popular culture I got GTA IV over Christmas, and finished it a week ago. And it's been stuck in my head for a while, more than any game where you can murder prostitutes should have any right to.

I think that it's the first time that I've ever been properly emotionally connected to a video game character, which is a big step. I mean, normally, you're playing as generic Space Marine #40024, and you're called something like Slab Bulkhead, Thick McRunfast, Punch Rockgroin or Big McLargeHuge, and you're tasked with fighting some kind of generic evil. The GTA games are tough to find some kind of emotional connection, especially given that the character is some kind of blank slate for you to act out your sociopathic impulses. What truly helps is the sheer level of production detail that's gone into this world. Not only the realism of the city, but the way cars move, crowds react. More than any other open-world, this feels like a living place.

Anyway, you're playing as Niko Bellic, you've got some kind of haunted past, and you turn up in Liberty City, lured by promises of riches and glory from your cousin, Roman. From there, it's standard GTA, working your way up the criminal ladder, as Niko searches for a dude who wronged him in the past, during the Yugoslav war. The first time I actually felt a little weirded out is when you end up killing the first dude you work for. Niko, shooting a dude in the head, uses his other hand to shield himself from the blood spray. It''s a kind of sick detail that made sense, built character, and genuinely rocks.

Man, the ending though. That's some heavy hitting stuff. The entire game builds up to you finding a dude who seriously screwed you over back in the old country. As a gamer, you assume this will be an epic gunfight, thousands of mooks, culminating in a final fight that has at least 20 explosions. Instead, you get a phone call in-game, drive down to the airport, and then have to choose for yourself. Kill him, or let him live. It's tough, because you see this guy, and he's a wreck, addled with drugs and disease.

So, you choose either way, and shortly after, you get a call from your cousin, who's getting married. 'Ah' one thinks. 'Happy epilogue mission, this should be fine' Unfortunately, it's not. Depending on your choices ingame, someone that Niko cares about gets gunned down, dying right on the steps of the church. Then, you get the big finale mission, hundreds of mooks, big car/boat chase, and a final fight. Which you win, obviously.

But then, seeing Niko at the end, with absolutely no happiness to look for, really stands out as a metaphor for the hollow nature of the American dream, the empty nature of the immigrant experience, and the knowledge that no matter what, all actions have consequences.

Of course, immediately afterwards, you call up Little Jacob, get drunk, and run over hookers. But still, it's not a bad shot.

Wednesday 20 January 2010

So, this is pretty cool

It's all very artsy and stuff, cool shots of architecture and whatnot.



Then, of course, you see this making of video and realise the entire bloody thing is CGI. I mean, that's just terrifyingly impressive there. I mean, I was impressed by Avatar and District 9, but this is just amazing.


Edit: link to the original video file. 904MB for 12 mins of video. I'm downloading it and using it as a desktop.

Tuesday 19 January 2010

Butt Metal

Have you heard of a band called Steel Panther? They are truly the greatest band. This is because they take all the best attributes of 80's bands, the hilarious hair, the indulgent guitar solos, the overly emotional sweet songs that are actually totally about sex, and then turns them all the way up to eleven.

For example, in the song Community Property, we start with this sappy acoustic guitar, and a dude singing 'I would give you the stars in the sky/But they're too far away' which is all very nice, then we shift into 'If you were a hooker, you'd know/I'd be happy to pay' and we know something's changed, especially when followed up with 'If suddenly you were a guy/I'd be suddenly gay. Still, it's a love song, if a bit unconventional and humorous. Then we hit the chorus.

'Cause my heart belongs to you
My love is pure and true
My heart belongs to you
But my cock is community property

And oh man, you just know you're in for a treat.

Still, the only way to truly appreciate fine music is to listen. So, go forth, and embrace the majesty that is...STEEL PANTHER

Monday 18 January 2010

Welcome, to the real world.

Today was a big day. I woke up at regular people time, went to London in an actual suit, and got myself one of those real person jobs. It's all very exciting. And terrifying, naturally. So, starting February 1st, I'm gonna be the guy who you call when your computer isn't working. I'm guessing roughly 90% of my time will be spent telling people "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

So yeah, this is a pretty big deal. I'm going to be doing an actual, full-time job for actual money. I'm concerned that this may hinder my television and movie watching. Still, there's a couple of weeks. I'm working on Arrested Development, which is rocking my world so far, and I'm going to do some tinkering with the site as well. I anticipate that this may be tricky what with the impendng demands of real life, but hell, I've been learning how to properly waste time for about 22 years now. I'm sure we'll be fine.

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Well, I did call this The Useless Ambition for a reason.

So, well, here we are then It's been a while. As you might guess, I pretty much failed the challenge real hard. BUT. New Year's and all that, it's a time of change, and naturally I've vowed to start writing more, again, so I've decided to give this blog thing another go.

I'm in the process of inventing a rough kind of schedule that will mean an update of some kind every weekday. It's probably not going to be 200 words a day, and it's likely not to be adhering to the original rules of the challenge, but I figure anything that provides some sort of structure will be good.

Plans include amusing drunken stories (of which I have a few), stuff I find online that's hilarious/informative/awesome, and of course, boring drivel about the life of me.

At some point there will be a tedious and long winded post about why I stopped doing the updates, which I invite all to ignore when it comes up.

So, let's get this old girl started up again.