Day Fifty Six: SPECIAL SUNDAY UPDATE OF DRUNKENESS

So, it appears a certain Mr Turner has taken on himself to dare criticize the shining beacon of perfection that is this blog.

Well, that's fine. After all, I welcome attacks on my opinions. Because my opinions are unique in that they are always, 100% correct. This is true. Because I said so. And, as we've discussed, I am always, always right.

James claims somehow that The Cable Guy is a bad film. He puts forward the idea that it is boring and "Jim Carey[sic] suck arse in it." Now, as much as I enjoy intelligent film criticism, I have to say that this really excels. I mean, it takes a true talent to say that a film is boring without ever being entirely clear on why. Especially given that the films tone of unsettling terror is happily counterbalanced by an action scene every twenty minutes, and dialogue that is truly inspired and perfectly satirical for the time.

Now, actual criticisms I could understand. The direction is sloppy, which is understandable given that it is Stiller's first film, but it's still a point to be made. Furthermore, we never really connect with out protagonist at work, and it's only outside that we are given the opportunity to engage with him. These are proper, intelligent criticisms.

But for James to simply dismiss it as boring?

Well.

I'm not going to say that he's fucking retarded for making this assumption. I'm not going to say that he is crappy and uninspired in making a blog, purely to attempt to compete with the sheer awesome that is this one. And I'm not going to say that he's a total loser for not going out tonight and instead staying in and writing on his blog.

I won't say any of those things, because I'm a lovely person. I'll simply say that the half-arsed, rambling post above is something that I managed in about ten minutes, and that James has no good taste in films. Any films that he might like in common with me are clearly products of his deluded mind.

Also, I'm kind of drunk and kind of angry. Not at James, but some other things. So.

Hopefully you'll now all understand that James is painfully wrong, and The Cable Guy is fucking awesome.

Goodnight.

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Now playing: Orson / No Tomorrow

Day Fifty Five: Hungover now.

So, yeah, I felt incredibly healthy this morning. Actually, I think I was still drunk. The hangover took about three hours to kick in, so I'm now dealing with that.

Here's what I remember from last night:

• Buying and downing a JD and coke in about 10 seconds to get to the screen quickly.
• Leaving the theatre about five minutes after that to buy some beer.
• Pierce Brosnan is a man who I have a great deal of respect for, but Jesus, the man cannot sing. At all.
• Hasn't Meryl Streep won something like twelve Oscars? What the hell happened?
• Colin Firth still has impeccable comic timing. Although, in the two most recent films I've seen him in, he's been gay. I'm not sure what to make of this. Maybe he keeps having a quiet word with the director, and somehow a scene where he has to get shirtless and hug a naked man makes its way into the script.
• The post credits scene where the cast sings 'Waterloo' was so, so brutally gay.
• After the film, I had a lot of difficulty standing. This did not stop me from being a charming motherfucker, as well as ordering a considerable amount of booze.
• I left with a hat that did not belong to me, and a poster that I'm pretty sure I stole just to hit people with.
• Finally, I found this on my phone this morning.

Hmm.

I have no answers for you. All I can say is that I'm listening to Dragonforce's latest album and rocking out with my new hat on. And I have a 21st birthday to go to tomorrow. It's going to be a good weekend.

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Now playing: Dragonforce / Reasons to Live

Day Fifty Four: DRUNKSS

disclaimarse: I am ver y fdrunks right about now, mkay.?

BUTTS

So, I suppose I'd best udate then.

I am, once again, feeling ver gay, having watched today the thing that is Mama Mia!. I mean, I am a film student and so should appreciate such monumenmenental films. After all, this motherfucker has sold more on DVD than Titanic, although Titanic was released in 2000 and so is working with a slight disadvantage/

Anyway, this film was not graeat. It wasn't bad either. The only problem was, throughout the entire thing, I kept thinking that this was a film that is totally not being marketed towards mee. Like, at all. I mean, jesus god, this film was terrible for someone like me.

However, things picked up a bit after thew film.

Given that I'd had a couple opf drinks before the screenign , hand snuck, (snook)? (sneck)? a fourpack of san migueal in, I was a leeeeeeetle bit drunk when watching this.ss And it was pretty bad.


And I say that SAS a man who got enjoyment out of Hairspray.

Quite aside from that, agfter the film, I got drunk, stole some things, anrd I lived haoppiky ever after. THE EDNDDDD,.

BUT WAIT.

SO, I finally get in , with trilby and stolen poseter, and I'm feeling pretty good.

I am listening to the TROPIC THUNDER soundtrack on Loud an it is the bestest thing ecverszszz.

,mans, I dont;y evrne knoe words weantmor.

I am dnot still drinkminfdddhg

honests.ss


EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeDQ"


Furthermore, Ia tbutss.........

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Now playing: The Crystal Method / Name of the Game

Day Fifty Three: Why The Cable Guy is the best film ever.

Yes, I'm aware that I've done one of these before. Let me explain something first.

I have a tendency to get, just maybe a bit hyperbolic about movies or TV that I like. Actually, that's not strictly true. I get a bit over the top when describing any single piece of media, good or bad. This is not a bad thing, it just tends to mislead people when I tell them something is fantastic. However, when I say that a film is, in fact, the best film ever, you can still assume that it's pretty damn good.

With that in mind here's why The Cable Guy is fantastic.

The film centers around Matthew Broderick (nicest man in Hollywood) who splits up with his girlfriend. Then, as he gets settled into his new place, he meets...The Cable Guy.

Given that this was the film that nearly killed Jim Carrey's career (that's now been replaced by 23), I was a bit worried when I first watched it. But man, does this film ever rock. Nowadays Jim Carrey plays against type all the time, but this was the first time that he ever did it. And seriously, if your expecting something along the lines of Ace Ventura, or The Mask (which is also fantastic), then you won't be happy. Carrey plays a dude who is completely insane, and not in a fun and happy way. The film just centre around the friendship that Carrey essentially forces onto Broderick, and Matt just becomes more and more freaked out.

Ah hell, you know what, just watch the clip.

If this doesn't appeal to you, then, well, you're probably a bad person.

Or you fear good things. Either way, you should probably watch it.

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Now playing: Jim Carrey / Somebody to Love

Day Fifty Two: An after action report on Day Fifty One

Whoa, wide-screen youtube! Thank god too, otherwise we wouldn't be able to enjoy things like this.

Actually, maybe that isn't the best example. Although it's still quite cool. (wide-screen youtube, that is, not the really fat kid.)

Anyway.

I felt a little fried Monday morning, having stayed up all night to write an essay. Apparently I posted something as well, but I'm at a loss as to where my rambling was headed. Although, I suppose all nighter essay sessions do lead to these things, so I shouldn't be surprised.

So, I wander onto campus, being terribly grumpy to Kate on the bus the whole way there, and headed to the library to print the essay, which, amazingly, had been sent without a hitch. Then, after correcting a couple of basic formatting errors that I hadn't even spotted a few hours ago, I printed it off. It took me about twenty minutes, as I had to try to print, realise I was out of credit, put credit onto my card, lose my card, find my card, and then use it to print out my essay.

As I was approaching dangerous levels of anger, I decided to grab some food from Blend, and then swear horribly into a panini on my way to handing it in. Seriously, I said, terrible things to that poor panini. I'm hoping it doesn't revenge itself of my digestive system, just because I said those things about it's mother.

Which probably says more about my own mental state more than anything else.

Essay handed in, I went home, and went to bed for eight hours while Independence Day played in the background, only to be woken once by Emily wandering through my room to leave the house. A conversation may have been had. I honestly can't remember.

Oh, and I think James finally got through to me after ringing my phone about eight times, and I had another conversation which I do not remember at all.

Anyway, woken up properly, I had a lovely meal which Kate made, and then watched a good bit of The Office with Callum, with him leaving at ten to do...something. Time then, I thought, to turn in. Get some sleep and have an early night for a change.

So, that done, I got changed, and then promptly went out to Optic and got raucously drunk on double whisky and lemonade for several hours, before finally turning in at 3am.

Man, I am really going to miss being a student.

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Now playing: Tim Cameron / Scientology Is Gay

Day Fifty One: Excerpts from my politics in animation essay (which focused on The Iron Giant)

- Has anyone ever noticed that Brad Bird seems to have a serious problem with redheads? Seriously, the villain in both The Iron Giant and The Incredibles is a ginger. I mean, Jesus, I think Brad has a serious hang-up on this.

- Man, The Iron Giant is totally about not fucking with the communists. The giant is all like, ‘be who you want to be’, and only acting in self defence, but when he thinks the military have killed Hogarth, he fucks their shit up but good.

- “Superman…” I mean damn, if you aren’t holding back a little tear there, then you officially have no soul.

- Did you know that Vin Diesels voice required absolutely no changes for his voice work? When he speaks normally, he actually sounds like a 50-foot robot.

- Oh, that Mansley dude is the definition of bureaucratic arsehole. Seriously. In the live action version, he would be played by the same dude who played Walter Peck.

- While it is obvious that The Iron Giant represents communism, and Dean the beatnik free spirit of America, it is less obvious but no less true that the fisherman represents the red states of America. And Mansley's Car is clearly a symbol for the crumbled military-industrial complex. Also, nukes just represent nukes. They don't need no symbols dude. They already know what they are.

- The American military is great, and actually super effective and efficient. Except, of course, when it has to deal with 50-foot robots.

- Jennifer Aniston is now fantastically distracting as a voice actor. I keep replacing her with Rachel instead of Hogarth's Mum.

Although, holy shit, she’s ginger too. Okay, so red-headed girls good, red-headed guys, bad.

- Do not play Atomo with the Iron Giant. He will melt you with his laser eyes.

-Rather than referencing, I choose to leave all footnotes and references blank until the end, where I put "GOD IS THE SOURCE OF ALL TRUTH AND LIGHT. ALL TRUTH IS FROM HIM, AND WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE TO HIS WILL."
Then I put a row of kisses, and a smiley face.

And a crudely drawn picture of a bear.

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Now playing: Pink Floyd / The Great Gig in the Sky

Day Fifty: Movie Rundown

So, this Waltz with Bashir film? It looks pretty fucking awesome to me. Very cool animation style, and nice to see some more stuff coming from the middle east nowadays. As Kate is at pains to tell me, everyone needs to be doing her Israeli-Palestinian politics module, and while I don't think that's entirely practical, I certainly think that more cultural things emerging from the region is a great step in that sort of direction.

But therein lies a problem. See, at the moment, we're entering into a slump in the cinema industry, quite aside from all this financial crisis nonsense. This period, from November until about May, is where films get dumped. Occasionally we'll get a big event movie, that's essentially designed to be the single cinema outing, but apart from that, we've got bugger all coming out. (By the way, this year it's going to be The Day the Earth Stood Still. I'm not saying it'll do it's job entirely well, I just think it's got more of a shot than say, Twilight. Or Punisher: War Zone. Although I would love for the latter to rock the shit out of the box office because fuck yes Ray Stevenson. Anyway.)

The point is that I think I've been far too spoiled by this years summer season. First we had Iron Man, then Dark Knight, and then finally Tropic Thunder, three films that utterly rocked my socks off, as well as being surrounded by other, slightly less awesome films, like The Incredible Hulk, and, um, well, The Incredible Hulk. Now we've got to go back to sitting and waiting for next summer to roll around before the awesome films. It's just not right.

I mean, admittedly, the line-up doesn't look fantastic yet. But still. We've got Watchmen. That certainly looks pretty face rocking to me.

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Now playing: Focus / Hocus Pocus

Day Forty Nine: So, yeah.

Man, I'm looking forward to The Office tomorrow. So many good things are coming. The wedding is getting closer, and Michael is pushing getting fired. Personally, I'm hoping they spend some time developing the Andy/Oscar relationship that was being pushed in last weeks episode. Exciting stuff.

As for what else has been going on this week in TV, Heroes was pretty rock and roll, although I'm glad we've finally started bringing some characters together and having them talk as opposed to the rest of this season which appeared to be sending them all off in different directions and meet more and more new characters. That just doesn't seem like a financially healthy way to operate a show.

Although, the writers really are determined to push this whole "Sylar is now actually a good guy we think" angle, aren't they? I don't personally have a problem with that, because I think Zach Quinto rocks the house in every scene that he's in, but I can see why some other parts of the fanbase have been dropping out.

Still, it was all worth it for that shot where Elle electrozapped the shit out of him and we got this fantastic, Watchmen inspired shot of Sylar dissolving under this massive blast of energy. Great stuff.

Oh, and South Park wrapped up their season last night as well. While it was a weaker episode, it's still fantastic stuff, and brought back the Goth kids, who are always lovely. So, here's looking forward to The Office tomorrow!

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Now playing: Dirty Vegas / Days Go By

Day Forty Eight: Ugh.

I did not feel healthy this morning. Not at all. A great deal of beer combined with a great deal of Purple People Eaters did not do nice things to me, especially when I'm out with Callum, who shows a similar lack of restraint in terms of his drinking.

So, I arise in the morning wearing a hat that doesn't belong to me, and feeling like I wanted to die. It was pleasant. However, I've discovered that the best cure for a serious hangover, short of some exquisite bacon, is a quick blast of Futurama, followed by a hardcore session of Mario Kart.

(As a sidenote, I'd just like to point out that me bringing up my N64 this year was a monumentally bad idea. It is an even worse distraction that PC gaming, because I don't feel the urge to tinker with the game settings every ten minutes. And, of course, I learned all the levels back to front when I was ten, so it's also really fucking easy.)

Still, feeling like absolute hell as I roll into my screening, and remembering that all we were watching was The Simpsons and Family Guy was pretty good. Just the thing for a hangover. And it was early seasons, good Simpsons, which is always good as well, as the later ones make me sad.

Yes, I did do not actual work today. So what? It's not like I'm breaking with tradition!

Also, Lauren said she wanted a mention today. So, here goes: Hi Lauren!

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Now playing: Keith Forsey / Reggae [Instrumental]

Day Forty Seven: Simple Things

So, I play this game called Frets on Fire. It's a free ware version of Guitar Hero for your PC, which is a nice way of saying that I'm totally stealing Guitar Hero. Anyway, it's exceptionally fun stuff, especially given the fact that every song that's been in Rock Band, and every Guitar Hero game is on there. And really, the only thing that's lacking is the whammy bar, which could be resolved if I actually bought the PC version of Guitar Hero 3, and got myself the ultra cool fake plastic guitar. But really, this is all nothing but groundwork.

I bought a wireless keyboard today. It is fucking fantastic. It now means that I can play Sweet Child O' Mine on my bed while righteously rocking the fuck out. It's damn beautiful. It's also extremely dorky, but fuck you, I'm rocking and rolling, and there be nothing you can do to stop it.

In other news, I think I'm going to be heading out to gay night tonight. Again. I'm not sure what the deal is with me, considering it ended so well last time, but oh well, I am sure it will be fine. Here's hoping to another glorious hangover!

....

Dammit, I just realised that I'm going to have to get a bigger monitor so I can comfortably browse the internet from the comfort of my own bed. When people talk about a vicious consumer cycle, I'm certain they were not even considering this.

QUICK, BRING ON THE BEER!

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Now playing: Jimmy Cliff / The Harder They Come

Day Forty Six: Things from the Intertubes

I did not have a productive weekend at all.

Admittedly, I did go out for a rather good night on Saturday for Terri's birthday, although the exact details are somewhat fuzzy given the copious amounts of booze that I consumed. I do remember berating Emily at length for taking so long to get ready, whhile playing some good Frets on Fire with Callum, finally leaving, and then on arriving at Terri's, realising I didn't have a couple of important things. Like keys. Or my wallet. Because I'm an idiot.

I did remember my beer, however. I might get drunk and stupid, but I never forget the important things.

So, waking up on Sunday, hungover and tired, I find myself unable to do anything of value.

Right. Bottle of water and internet. It's a well travelled path, but it works.

What did I find? Well, THIS.

It's a webcam that looks at five puppies. That might not sound too impressive, but damn, those be some cute puppies. And I kept that tab open for a good five hours while I pottered about my room, doing pretty much nothing at all. It was very nice.

Then, I stumbled onto this.

Have I mentioned before that PETA seriously piss me off? I mean, I might disagree with vegetarianism on a personal level, but I don't create entire spoof flash games to better illustrate how evil thanksgiving is. I mean, that's just insane. Besides, eggs that bleed? I think PETA are so far away from reality that I want to eat even more meat, just to annoy them. Fuckers.

Of course, we've learned that cows and such are actually responsible for a whole quarter of methane emissions, which actually makes eating meat bad for the environment. Which is really fucking annoying, but luckily, the answer to this pressing issue has come from Australia.

We'll eat Kangaroos instead. Fuckin' A. That'll do nicely. Fuck all the hippies, we'll keep eating meat, and save the environment at the same time!

So, here I am on Monday night, watching Barack Obama's post-election interview on 60 minutes, still with absolutely no work done.

The internet is a harsh mistress, but damn if it isn't a good way to waste time.

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Now playing: Jimi Hendrix / Voodoo Child

Edit: Okay, I just beat the game, and I still disagree with it, but man, this picture is lovely. While still being horrible, of course.

Day Forty Five: Lovely Evening

Just finished watching Casino Royale with Emily, and I have to say, I think I do prefer this to Quantum of Solace. It helps, of course, that I can say Casino Royale without thinking that it's a fucking retarded title and I hate it. I mean, Jesus, really? The fucking Quantum of fucking Solace?

Shit makes no sense.

If anything, I think that watching Solace actually improves watching Casino. It sorta helps you when you can see the eventual arc that Bond is meant to be following, as opposed to the film just meandering along.

However, both of these films pale in comparison to the might that is GOLDENEYE.

Bond fighting evil Commies? Check.
Nerdy Russian Hacker dude? Check.
Hot Russian Chick? Check.
Richard Sharpe Sean Bean? Check.
Awsome Casino Scene? Check.
Car Chase involving a motherfucking TANK? Check.

This film has everything you could want, and more. It's basically a highlight reel of all that is glorious about old school Bond, the puns, fast cars, hot women, and, of course, Alan Cumming.

Plus, it's the début of M as played by Judi Dench, a performance that I love so fucking hard, and that was apparently so well received that she was the only one allowed to carry on in the reboot. Because she's Judi Dench. You just don't fuck with her.

The point is that I vastly, vastly prefer cheesy and fun Bond to the Bourne style that we are apparently going for now, which I think is a mistake. I love the corny Bond.

Of course, I'll also be the first to dismiss the later era Brosnan films as being cheesy shite as well. Because I am a man of mystery, fickle choices, and also inhibited by an unhealthy love for Sean Bean.

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Now playing: Big Brother & The Holding Comp / Piece Of My Heart

Day Forty Four: CAPITALS

Seriously, what's up with that? The last two entries have been in all caps. That is not cruise control for cool, no matter what anyone says.

So, anyway, I think I'm actually gay now. I spent last night watching Jeffrey, a charming drama/comedy about gay men in New York. It was, um, unusual. There were bizarre breaks of the forth wall, and Scrubs-esque fantasy sequences. It also had that charming mid-nineties thing where things have become slightly offensive now we've gotten rid of notions of proper political correctness. Like this, for instance.

It also features one of the greatest performances ever by Patrick Stewart as Jeffreys best friend, and also the gayest man to ever gay a gay. It's superb, better than as Xavier. Or even as Picard. Absolutely fantastic stuff.

Although I went into this film on the basis that, holy shit, Picard is gaying it up to the max, it surprised me by how well it deals with some of the issues in this film. AIDs, for example, becomes the focal point for why Jeffrey is swearing off sex, but the films deals with it in an incredibly sensitive way.

Eventually.

I mean, if you watched the opening ten minutes and been terrified and stopped watching, you'd probably come away from this film with a far different opinion that me. But still, holy shit, gay Picard!

Also, in the second "My God I'm gay now" theme, Callum decided to update my status yesterday evening as "Andrew is a huge homosexual. Yeh, damn right." which promted about seven responsed within the hour. Which concerns me. Holy hell, how many people are worrying about me being gay?

Because whatever the number is, I guarantee it's gone up by a couple since yesterday.

Day Forty Three: DEAD SPACE

HOLY SHIT EVIL SPACE ZOMBIES

I realised that I've been playing this game obsessively for the last week or so now, and I still haven't managed to eloquently state why exactly I really love this game. So, what I'm going to do is ramble a bit about it, and hopefully I'll be able to distil what eactly about this game sets it aside from everything else vying for my attention at the moment.

Firstly, it's a great riff on the original Alien movie, a crew of dudes who really are not capable of fighting forced to improvise against a clearly superior adversary. And, oh boy, do they figure out some interesting ways of fighting them. No start off with a pistol and work your way up nonsense here, no sir, because the first gun you get can slice limbs off. This is not gratuitous or just gore for the sake of gore, it actually becomes necessary to blow arms, legs, and indeed heads off of aliens in order to kill them.

Okay, yes, you do get a pulse rifle thing, but I'll allow that into the unconventional weapons group because the alternate fire mode plants the gun on the ground and makes it fire in a circle, which is always handy when things are trying to eat your face.

Secondly, the monsters themselves are fantastically designed, all requiring a different way to deal with them . Although, it does usually involve blowing arms off. But that shouldn't matter. Because any solution that involves arms being blown off your enemies is awesome.

....


Sorry. Callum's just walked in, and obviously we need to watch Jeffrey. Some things just need to be done. So I'll close by saying that Dead Space is fucking awesome, and you should buy it.

Or pirate it. I hear it's really easy to do.

Day Forty Two: CARNAGE!

Wasn't fantastic, to be honest. I mean, it was okay, but it's always going to be hard to pull off a decent pub crawl in Norwich where we have about three decent cheap pubs, and the crawl involves us visiting none of them. Still, I did manage to sell my T-Shirt for more than I paid for it, which is fucking awesome. Truly, being drunk is a wonderful thing, although I'd did mean I was quite cold on my way home.

Anyway.

I'm back on the internet, and it feels fantastic. It may have only been one day, but I could feel myself changing. I talked to people more, engaged in human contact, and smelled fresh air. It was not healthy. Now I'm back online, I'm getting back into the game by downloading the shit out of the new Heroes, as well as few dozen other things, just to prepare myself for the terrible eventuality that I lose the 'net again. I just can't take that.

Anyway, a couple of people have been asking me "Hey, Andrew, what's up with your blog? Did you know that it fucking sucks? Because it does. Your blog is terrible and you should feel terrible."

Which, I mean, isn't really a question, but it is, I suppose, a point that needs to be addressed.

My answer is that, well, I never really intended for this to be the paragon of epic literature, with beautific descriptions of life and musings on philosophy intended to blow your mental and physical perceptions away, causing some kind of irrevocable revalation about life. You can all find that at better places that this. After all, this is self described as being a dumping ground for my pointless, drunken ramblings. Truly, if you are expecting something more than this, you might be searching in the wrong place.

Also, I can't really hear you over all the BALLS YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH.

FUCK YOU

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Now playing: David Bowie / Ziggy Stardust

Day Forty One: Technical Difficulties

So, you might have noticed that there was no real update yesterday. Or rather, there was, but it was simply titled "Wait" and had a picture of Brad Pitt from Burn After Reading. That is because when I got back to university on Monday, I realised that for some reason, my internet wasn't working.

Shit.

Okay, so I try doing a System Restore. Despite me not having touched the computer over the weekend, something has gone wrong, so I'll take it back to before the weekend to change whatever crazy shit happened to it while it was turned off.

Nothing. And this is after waiting about half an hour for the Restore to take place.

Shitballs.

Alright, let's reinstall some drivers, that is generally a pretty standard fall-back. Only problem is, my CD drive has a habit of being a bastard and not working whenever I need it for something, which is pretty much every day, so I copy the CD onto my portable hard drive via Kate's computer, and do the driver thing.

Still nothing.

Cocking Shitbastardballs.

It's at this stage that I give up, and go out to Carnage, which I'll tell you about later today.

So I wake up, very hungover in the morning, and try plugging the computer directly into the modem, because holy fuck, I need Internets.

I'm currently writing this from the floor of my living room. The entire computer is in here with me, much to the disdain and horror of Emily. But, it's working wirelessly! I have no idea about the technical reasons for this. Maybe my network card was having an existential crisis, wondering if that mythical wireless network it was always connecting to was truly real. Indeed, is this not a beautiful metaphor for each of us, spinning through the void, desperately hoping to connect?

No, it's not. My PC just decided to be a cunt to me. The Bastard.

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Now playing: Nothing. My speakers aren't plugged in.

Day Forty: Wow, Day Forty? Really?

So,I think we've all agreed that the episode of South Park that came out not even a day after the presidential race was over was facerockingly awesome, right?

I mean, not only was it hugely impressive from a technical standpoint, given that they were using direct quotes from speeches delivered twenty hours before the air date, but it also had the clear advantage in that it was absolutely, ball-flatteningly hilarious. Palin, switching from her Alaskan accent to a British one? Great. McCain, dressed as a footballer for no reason at all? Fantastic. Hell, Obama and McCain hi-fiving after the magic and historical speech? Pure genius. Best of all, though, was Randy, and his yelling of 'Looooosers!', across the street. The longer this show goes on, the more likely I think that Stan's Dad is heading towards being the main character. Which is no bad thing. Because it's hilarious.

Also, I'm looking around online after the latest episode of the Office, and some people don't seem to be feeling sympathetic for Dwight. Which is insane. I mean, sure, technically he's cuckolding Andy, and is actively attempting to sabotage a marriage, but god-dammit, Andy is fucking crazy. He punched a hole through a wall. I think I know where this particular arc is headed, and since the location of the wedding has been revealed, it's making me very excited about where the rest of the season is headed.

Anyway, I'm going home now. Actually Home home, not to my house at university. Because it's been far too long, and I'm actually starting to miss Home, sad and lame as that might be. See you all after the weekend!

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Now playing: David Bowie / Life On Mars?

Day Thirty Nine: And now, back to normality.

Yay!

So, yes, on Wednesday I felt a bit unwell. Rumours that I stayed up drinking until 4am and then danced around my room like a mad fool because Obama had crossed the line are completely untrue. But man, that was a fantastic night. Drunk as fuck by the time I got to the LCR, watching the election coverage on the big screen, watching the states roll in and seeing the lead grow higher and higher was deeply surreal. Getting a free sambuca shot and then having an epic battle with Chris for a fucking wooden spoon even more so.

Yes, rolling in home at 2am (after leaving abusive voicemails on more than one phone) and then tuning into the BBC's live coverage was good. More beer made it even better. I did attempt to compose my thoughts and feelings on this historic event as it was taking place, and the sad results can be found here.

Man, that feeling, at 4am, as California and a few other states were called, pushing Barack Obama over the line and making him the next president? Can't beat it. What a fantastic moment. And especially nice, as I'm even more proud of my country. Obviously Obama won't be a cure all. Rainbows and magic will not happen. The economy is still in a hole, and foreign relations need a fair bit of patching. But this is where I have faith. I don't think Barack is likely to waste this fantastic opportunity he has, and the amount of international goodwill that the whole world has for America should prove very, very useful for the future. Let's see how the next four years go.

After all, the only way is up!

And, just as a final note, I don't think we really saw the real John McCain until his concession speech. Now, if that McCain had been running, this race might have been very different. An extremely gracious and classy move. And seriously, McCain supporters? When your guy is trying to praise his opponent, DO NOT FUCKING BOO. Good lord.

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Now playing: Sigur Rós / Milano

Day Thirty Eight: Liveblogging some election, or something.

Obama is at 195, McCain at 76, because Obama has just won Ohio.

So, to reiterate a point from the 2004 election, OHIOWNED!

Jesse Jackson is laying down the challenge. If America can elect a Black president, where the fuck is France's black president. What about Britain's Black prime minister?

Holy Shit, the Murdoch just kinda endorsed Obama. This is insane.

Also, Oprah just jumped on the bandwagon. Which is less shocking, but still.

Uh oh, McCain just won West Virginia.

Okay, so, the BBC, home of awesome, non-biased journalism, just comapared the odds of McCains chances to the existence of the tooth fairy.

Wow, the BBC actually just took a short break to talk about just how shitty a president Bush was. Not bad. Not bad.

Wisconsin has just gone to Obama. Hey, remember that time that Colin went to America in Love Actually. Motherfucker went to Wisconsin. Oh yes. You can't buy that kind of political analysis.

McCain just took Texas. Least shocking news ever, reflected in the BBC's five seconds worth of coverage on the matter.

Holy shit, did that dude say "economic shit"?

Oh, Economic Ship. Right.

That makes more sense.

Palin, while good for the Republican base, was unable to win over Joe Sixpack.

JOE SIXPACK, PREZ FOR 2012.

An actual quote from the BBC live coverage: "0243 How disappointing; I had harboured vain hopes of using some quotes from former CBS news anchor Dan Rather about the race being as tight as "a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach" or tighter than "rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford." But the race isn't even close so far."

What.

Holy shit, this is better than the fucking election: http://www.conquerthislife.com/

You know what, fuck the fucking election.

This is better than that. So much better. Oh yes. Thanks go especially to Ryan for giving me this glorious thing. The BBC coverage is on mute now, because, holy shit, the Hoff is talking to me about Red Alert 3. Life could not get much better.

Wait.

Wait.

Eddie Fucking Izzard is on the BBC commentating on the election. What ho?

This is fascinating.

NEW AMERICA!

THE WORLD WILL BECOME FILLED WITH FLOWERS AND RAINBOWS AFTER BARACK OBAMA IS ELECTED.

Well, Fox News just called the election for Obama. I think this is now over. Even the vast right wing conspiracy has backed the next Prez. Gosh.

Republicans; Frighteningly defiant to the end.

HAHA, Media Bias from the BBC is evil and made McCain lose. You heard it here first. On the BBC.

Oops.

Man, that crazy ass dude with the moustache commentating on the election for the BBC is actually fucking crazy. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT.

The man in the Camo Baseball camp thinks that Obama is Satan, and he hates both Nancy and Barack. Gosh. McCain is the last great hope for the country.

THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED. SINCE 1992. OH YEAH.

(As an unrelated rambling note, I nearly took a wooden spoon home tonight. And the motherfucker was broken and stolen. I hate everyone. EVERYONE.)

Apparently McCain will concede within the hour. Christ I hope so. I'm fucking tired.

Hah. Doodies. Or, y'know, 'duties'. Crazy ass 'mercan accent.

IT'S ALL PALIN'S FAULT!

Man, fuck this. I'm moving to the bed. Since I have no wireless keyboard, I'm going to throw this up as it is.

***

But, I'm calling this for Obama. Seems like the safe bet.

Also, FUCK YES, OUR REPRESENTATIVE FROM SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA IS THE FUCKING VICE PRESIDENT.

WOO YAY.

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Now playing: F-Zero X - Mute City

Day Thirty Seven: Really Important Issues.

My only comment on this Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross/BBC are now Satan/NO, HOLY SHIT IT'S A JOKE/NO FUCK YOU IT'S COMEDY/YOUR MUM IS COMEDY nonsense is that every single person commenting on it is retarded.

Every. Single. One.

Anyway. There are more pressing matters in the world. An election or two happening, probably. People being exploded in the Middle East. Starvation and poverty in the third world. Hell, how about the global recession for something that actually affects everyone?

But no. Instead we'll whinge back and forth about how either its just comedy and how you fucking prudes should lighten up, or how Ross and Brand and the BBC are evil bastards who should be burned at the stake for this moral filth, and every single retarded viewpoint in between. All both sides have managed to do, with their endless petitions and facebook status updates in support or against either side really manage to achieve is to annoy the fuck out of people who disagree with you, or prompt a load of people going "Yeah, right!" and circle-jerking each other into furious oblivion. It's the opposite of good, and, holy shit, any possible comedy effects that could have been had are sucked out by the absolute moral convictions of each side.

Honestly, it's enough to slightly distract me from Red Alert 3. And that is what is truly important today. I mean, have I mentioned that George Takei is in it? If that's not a reason to get passionate about something, then I don't know what is. Certainly more worthy than some sketch on a radio show.

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Now playing: The Great Kat / Rossini's William Tell Overture for Symphony Orchestra & Band

Day Thirty Six: A Good Day.

Red Alert 3 was the thing that woke me up this morning. Literally, as it dropped though our letter box. And, well, it's good. Damn good. Based on the C&C 3 Engine, but infused with a certain love and joy. The only kind of love and joy that comes along with Armoured Bears. And Tesla boats that turn into tanks. And japanomechs. And, of course, George Takei in the cutscenes. That cannot be understated.

So I plow a few hours into that, and then get a call from James, to go and see the new Bond flick. And we do. And it is quite awesome. I mean, yeah, James Bond is now attempting to be Jason Bourne, which is probably a bad thing, but my God, I'd still watch this film if it was renamed and called "The Wacky Adventures of M" because Judi Dench is just that fucking awesome.

And then. Beer and Burger at Wetherspoons. Which hurt. Because it was no regular beer and burger. This is burger, then doubled, then with cheese and bacon added. And a beer. The whole terrible lot is still sitting in my gut like a solid rock. It's going to do terrible things to me when it leaves.

And THEN! I head over to see Callum and Nicki at there place, and we drink beer, eat pizza, and watch Love Actually, and become very soppy towards the end. Except for me, because I have a heart of iron, dammit!

And now, I'm back home, and playing Red Alert 3 again. It's been a good day.

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Now playing: MGMT / Time To Pretend