The Debate

Tim from Bristol: If you were to come into power, how would your party change a broken light bulb?

Nick: We'd ensure that the people have the power to replace light bulbs when they break and also see to it that replacement light bulbs are much more energy-efficient and long-lasting.

Gordon: While we could replace a light bulb, the reality is that no light bulb is broken. Light bulbs today are also the brightest and most efficient than they've ever been.

David: Thank you for asking this vital question. A lady wrote to me last week telling me how every light bulb she has in her house has broken over the past 12 years of Labour government. Every single one. Only the Conservatives can bring real change to British light bulbs.

Gordon: The only reason the Tories would bring in new light bulbs would be to make David's face look even shinier. The fact is, new light bulbs would only hinder Britain's economic recovery and that is something Labour is unwilling to let happen. How would the Conservatives finance this exactly?

David: Recent studies have shown that it's not the broken light bulbs that need changing. The real issue is, why do we even need light bulbs in the first place? I'll tell you why. It's because Britain is dark and it's only getting darker. Not a day goes by where it doesn't become so dark that it doesn't become inevitable that at some point you will have to rely on a light bulb to even walk around your own home. Why has Labour allowed this continue for so long and why are they so in denial about it?

Gordon: We are not in denial, we just have the experience and the wisdom to realise that we are not alone in this problem. The rest of Europe knows, even America knows, that darkness is a global problem that affects everyone. However, this is not a problem that will just go away overnight. We all need to work together, both across our parties and with the wider world community to overcome darkness in a way that is fairer to everyone.

Nick: You know, the more you two talk, the more apparent it becomes that neither of you have a real understanding of this at all. Broken light bulbs just need replacing with new ones. It's as simple as that

David: And where would you find the capital for these 'simple' plans to change light bulbs? You can't talk of slashing £16bn of expenses and then say that you'll do it by giving everyone free light bulbs for life. The numbers just don't add up.

Gordon: I'm sure Nick will agree with me here, what Britain's light bulb infrastructure is solid, long-term investment in ensuring that Britain is prepared for when light bulbs break. We need continuous investment in Education, the NHS and the armed forces so that we able to prevent light bulbs from breaking. This is what Labour has done and is what it will continue to do. The Conservatives can talk all they want about change, but when it comes down to it the only people to benefit from their plans is the top 5% earners. This is why Labour has made a personal promise to every citizen that when their light bulbs break we will guarantee them access to an electrician within 2 weeks, and a light bulb changing operation within 3 weeks. David can't make that promise, and Nick can't make that promise.

Nick: What? Tim, going back to your question; broken light bulbs can be replaced with a new one. There is no need for any extra bureaucracy or politics.

Gordon: I agree with Nick.

David: I'm sorry Gordon but I just can't agree with you on that. I agree with Nick and look forward to working with him in the future.

---Saoirse Cathal Kavan

Internet Picture Saturday

I don't remember the last post at all, although I certainly could have done another one the other night. That was some good drinkin'

Anyway, it's that time of the week.

The Drunken Sunday Update

Wooooooooooooooooo, drinking!]]


OKay, so, I am drunk. But that fioeesn't mean I ahve serious opinions ions on things
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;.;./;/,ml kplmgasesterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr




okay, look, the point is, that, at this moment in time, I am tremendously happy with life.###


Deal with it, bitches.

Internet Picture Saturday

Tyrannosaurus Reich

Man, this should be real

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story" from Aaron Paul

God Bless Disney

Okay, so I've made the point before that my job is pretty sweet. However, I think I've found an even better job.

To make sure LA talent scouts don't get caught in a "booby trap," potential lassies will have to undergo a Hollywood-style jiggle-your-jugs test and jog for judges. If there's nothing moving from the waist up, they're saying, it's a dead giveaway that you're not all flesh and bones -- and you're out

Phenomenal. How tricky would it be to fly out to California and apply for this?

I do like it when I get to use this tag

So, Americans finally voted to get themselves some of this evil socialised medicine that we've been enjoying in the civilised world for some time now.

I don't really want to spend a lot of time picking apart the nuances and effects of the bill (it's a big step in the right direction, but not as earth shattering as it could be) and I also don't want to pick apart the Republicans (even though they acted like massive tools throughout the entire process, and continually showed why American politics is far more about posturing and appearances than it is about helping the people. (I mean, that's true for almost all politics really. (Wow, that's an awful lot of brackets. Let's close a few of these.)))

Instead, what I wanted to do was link to this thread on Free Republic to point out the hilarity within. I mean, it's certainly wrong that I get so much enjoyment from this, but when dudes start quoting from Episode III:

So this is how liberty dies......with thunderous applause.

as a way to express their anger, I can't help but be highly entertained.

Also, I'm really glad that I don't have so many friends on Facebook that are American. I imagine that a few status updates have been painful to witness.

SANKYO

what the hell is this

i don't even

Internet Picture Saturday

Right, blogging at work.

Man, there's a whole new level of dork that I'm discovering within myself here. I mean, I'm working in IT, and now I'm updating my blog on the internet while I should be working.

Clearly, I have made some bad decisions in my life.

So, anyway, it's the international day of drinking Guinness and saying something like 'Well, my Great-Grandfather was like, a quarter Irish, so that makes today a national holiday for me' and then drinking ten million pints of green beer and throwing up on someone. This always seemed like a curious holiday to be celebrating in the UK, given that we really don't need the excuse to go to the pub and drink heavily. We already have a whole range of excuses, like "Footy is on telly, let's go to the pub and watch it" or "It is [unwilling friend]'s birthday, let's drag him to the pub and force booze down his throat" or even the popular "Today is pub day. Let's do it."

The only appreciable difference that I expect to face tonight it shamrock decorations, silly hats and a more difficult time in getting to the bar.

Oh, that, and I actually won't have spent all day drinking, which is a first in about four years I think. Instead, I'm running from lunch beers, and then a few quick tins in the late hours of work and on the train up to the pub this evening. It promises to be an okay night. Hopefully I won't have to murder anyone.

Internet Picture Saturday

FUCK YES.

Internet Picture Saturday

At some point I might start properly posting again. Until then...

Oh boy oh boy

Doctor Who comes back on April 3rd. Words cannot really say how excited I am about this. New Doctor, New Companion, hell, a nice new lick of paint for the TARDIS inside and out, and Steven Moffatt taking over as the show-runner. It's going to be a damn good season, and it can't come soon enough. Anyway, time for the trailer:

Internet Picture Saturday

Oh, the Internet.

So there's this website called ChatRoulette. It's a neat little site which takes random people all over the internet with webcams and matches them up to talk, or more commonly, demand that each other show them various body parts. Bringing together all the wonderful things from the internet in one horrifying cauldron.

So, obviously there's a compilation site with all the best shots, hilarious reactions, and terrifying pairings. The point I'm making here is that I found the very best picture.



There are a shitload more over at CHATROULOLZ. This is my very favourite thing right now.

Scribbled Thoughts from a Long Weekend

*Ripped directly from my notepad when I got in today*

This is the first time I've been sober in about 3 days now. I'm writing this down old school style, on a notepad that I brought with me in a flight of madness. This will go up in the blog later, but for now le me trace my steps to find out how I got here.

Thursday

A long tiring day at work. Nothing but standard stuff, but man, the day dragged on and on, and was made even worse by how tired I was. Anyway, directly from work, I wind up at the Ivory Rooms, celebrating my sister's 18th birthday, about ten days before it actually takes place. Surrounded by teenagers and parents, I decide to drink to power through. Entirely fucked, I go to bed at 1am.

Friday

I wake up in a haze of terror realising three things simultaneously:

1. I need to be on the train to work in ten minutes
2. I need to put together a weekend survival kit for my trip to Nottingham in the evening.
3. I cannot find any underpants.

I solve this with incredible alacrity and roll into work five minutes early, looking horrifying, and spend much of the morning attempting not to throw up on anything valuable. At lunch with a friend, I get a steak and wash it down with three pints in an attempt to get my head right again. The afternoon passes by in a blur of Facebook, music and boredom. Post work, I plant myself on the train to Nottingham with my copy of Good Omens and listen to Glee, the two bits of pop culture blending together quite nicely. After I arrive, plans are formed, booze is bought and we attend a house party and meet a girl called Ousome Georgia, pronounced "AWESOME GEORGIA" and repeatedly inform her just how awesome her name is. We also see several male poledancers.

Saturday

I wake up with Mike gently spooning me and declare immediately that we must go to the pub. We visit the local, eat a great deal of meet while watching football and drinking beer, declaring loudly that we are true men. We move on to Nottingham SU, and I lose spectacularly at pool while drinking very heavily. At one point, friend of The Useless Ambition, James Turner turns up to drink with us. He has j2o, and many slanderous things are suggested, concerning his homosexual leanings, minuscule penis and incredibly gay car. Then he drives us to buy more booze and these criticisms vanish into the ether. James leaves shortly after depositing us back at Mike's place, leaving us with nothing but a crate of beer and a solid sense of goodness in the world.

After much more drinking, we head to town, hitting up Nottingham Trent's uni club, on the basis that the male to female ratio is approximately 1-5. I amaze Mike and his flatmates with my display of my magnificent flirt ray powers on the local ladies, and make spurious claims about Mike's dancing abilities on the public display text screen. It's a good night, and a good club, and, much later, we return to Mike's buying phenomenal kebabs and sit up until 5am, watching crappy TV and setting the world to rights.

Sunday

We wake up to Ozzy Osbourne singing 'Stayin' Alive'. We head into town planning our futures (a company that delivers fry-ups door to door, with a pre-night ordering service) Our millionaire status assured, we break fast in Subway and have a quick half before parting ways at the station. About half an hour into the trip we are informed that the train in front has broken down, and so we're being diverted in some incredibly circuitous route around the country. It's at this point my phone runs out of power, and I start writing some absolute garbage to avoid conversation with the ginger beardy bloke next to me.

Yes, YOU.

Stop reading over my shoulder.

Weirdo.

TV, you lied to me!

They didn't do this much work on The IT Crowd. Today was one of the most labour intensive days I think I've had. Spent the whole morning ripping apart a pair of desks, and creating new work set-ups for two new traders who, I'm certain, will immediately decide that they don't like where they've been set up and demand to be moved. I've never seen a more horrifying collection of tangled wires and miscellaneous plugs and other assorted crap, with the possible exception of the time I first tried to organise my games consoles into working order. A SNES, Playstation, N64 and Gamecube, along with assorted DVD and TV cables. I truly knew what it was to party when I was thirteen.

It's not all bad though. I spent almost my entire afternoon on Facebook and was mean to other people who were in actual demanding jobs. It's been good, but I'm glad I'm never being specific about where I work, otherwise I get the feeling that one day I'm going to wake up to this:


(Via marriedtothesea.com)

Doctorin' the Tardis

So, the synopsis for the new season of Doctor Who got leaked today:

A new era of Doctor Who begins in Spring 2010. This latest series of the BBC's flagship drama programme sees Matt Smith's debut as the new, Eleventh incarnation of the famous Time Lord alongside a new travelling companion, the enigmatic Amy Pond (Karen Gillan).

Together they explore 16th century Venice, France during the 1890s and the United Kingdom in the far future, now an entire nation floating in space.

As always, wherever the Doctor goes, his oldest enemies are never far behind – the Daleks are hatching a new master plan from the heart of war-torn London in the 1940s. But they are not the only strange creatures the Doctor and Amy must face – there are also alien vampires. humanoid reptiles, old enemies such as the Weeping Angels, a Star Whale, and a silent menace that follows Amy and the Doctor around wherever they go…

SPACE WHALES. WHALES IN SPACE.And Daleks and WWII and spacebourne UK and alien vampires, and the return of the weeping angels, yes, but still, SPACE WHALES.

I came in late to the Doctor Who party, I only started watching during the Tennant/Tate era, which managed to win me offer despite the presence of Catherine Tate who is possibly the most irritating woman in British entertainment. I worked hard to catch up though, about mid-season there I was fully caught up on the RTD relaunch episodes, and towards the end I'm pretty sure I was spending an awful lot of time memorising wikipedia articles on the subject. All that aside, I'm placing an awful lot of hope in this season, and that's purely on the strength of Stephen Moffat's writing. He hasn't written a bad episode of Who yet, and with an entire season to play with, I don't think he'll be inclined to start.

Plus, unless I failed to mention it, this season will have SPACE WHALES.

Internet Picture Saturday

(via You'llBeAJail.com)

Okay, everything about this is awesome

Did you know that the Muppets have their own youtube channel, and it's pretty much the best thing ever.

Well, you do now. Go watch them doing Bohemian Rhapsody, right now. Actually, first you should watch this: